Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 9 USERS: B

We open with the previouslys, which include Buffy talking Jonathan out of his bell jar in "Earshot," Buffy and Faith switching bodies, Riley's post-coital protestations of love for Fuffy, and the fallout with Buffy thereof.

Buffy is kicking some vamp ass in a cemetery. She has curly hair, so right away we know we're in for a wacky episode. Xander and Anya help by holding off a vamp while Buffy is busy with his buddy. One of the vamps takes off and they chase after it into a crypt. Five vamps are sharing a meal. Ah, it's nice to see that even the undead spend some quality time bonding together. The Scoobies, obviously having changed their mind about confronting the vampires, file out. Willow mentions that she's miffed by the vamps' lack of table manners at the "orgy of death." Buffy speculates that she can take care of at least two of them as Anya, with her characteristic bluntness, points out that the other three will make short work of her. Buffy concedes the point and says, "You know who we need."

Cut to an establishing shot of a white mansion. Overhead shot of the Scoobies crossing someone's study. When they get to the desk at the far end, Buffy nervously says, "Hi. We have a problem," to the back of the leather swivel chair. The chair spins around as wacky music kicks in, and for a moment I was expecting Dr. Claw but it's actually Jonathan. "Sounds like you could use my help," says he. I'm surprised at the timbre of his voice. I didn't know he could talk without his voice threatening to crack any moment.

Credits. Usually I like the credits, for the very simple reason that I can just type that one word and then there's a commercial. But this time the credits are interspersed with shots of Action Jonathan doing various un-Jonathan things like shooting a crossbow and looking suave. Hee! I'm cracking up; I don't even mind taking the extra time to describe them. The credits end with Jonathan striding purposefully towards the camera in a black turtleneck and billowing trenchcoat. Watch out, Angel!

Giles's pad. Buffy shadow-boxes, Willow is on the computer, and Jonathan loads his crossbow while Giles is poring over his books. Buffy thanks Jonathan for helping them out and he assures her that it's no problem. They spar a bit and Jonathan quickly deflects Buffy's blows. Giles reports that there doesn't seem to be any significance to the vamps' assembly. Jonathan pats him on the back like the manly man he suddenly is and calls him Ripper. Willow shrieks from the couch that she's hacked into wherever the schematics for the cemetery are stored. She morosely tells Jonathan that there's only one entrance, but Jonathan takes the computer from her and after tapping a few keys points out an alternate entrance. Hey! First he out-fights Buffy and now he out-nerds Willow? What crazy universe are we in? Jonathan starts to give everyone their marching orders, but he's distracted by the chess game he and Giles had been playing. He moves a piece that will result in a checkmate in four moves and says, "You almost got me that time, Rupert." As James Bond music plays in the background, Jonathan says, "Everyone, let's show these fiends they came to the wrong town." Wrong town indeed.

Over at the crypt, Buffy dusts one vamp as Jonathan drops down through a stained-glass skylight ["Wondering why a crypt would have a skylight? Yeah, me too." -- Ace] and quickly dispatches two others. Willow, Xander, and Anya are trying to hold back another vamp but he breaks free from their grasp and almost escapes. That is, until Jonathan's crossbow bolt catches up to him. Buffy is rather dejected about missing him, but Jonathan reassures her, saying, "You know it only matters that you do your best." The group climbs their way outside, and there's a cadre of photographers waiting to take pictures of His Exaltedness. Anya remarks that the vampires weren't well organized and they could have killed Buffy if they had rushed her. Heh. Jonathan, having finished with his photo op, says that vampires are usually loners. "Don't you agree, Spike?" queries Jonathan as he turns to stare at a nearby bush. On cue, Spike steps out and strides towards Jonathan. Buffy tries to bait Spike but Jonathan tells her to be careful. Spike: "Yeah, back off, Betty." "It's Buffy, you big bleached -- stupid guy," Buffy finishes lamely. Jonathan tells Spike that once he's normal again he's going to be impersonating "instant soup mix" and the gang all huffs off.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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