Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Seeing Red

Episode Report Card
Sep: B | 2 USERS: C
Seeing Red
Ace: Really? He's a midget.
Sep: Seriously. Knockout gorgeous. I've seen pictures.
Ace: But still! Midget! Miniature human.
Sep: And it's not like he's a particularly well-formed small person. He's got this weak chin and he's kinda pudgy. I mean, he's no fun-size Adonis.
Ace: We're so mean.
Sep: Whatever. He can just cry on the shoulder of the latest Hollywood Amazon he's bedding.
Ace: How do you know this?
Sep: I saw a picture on the net somewhere. Or maybe I made it all up. One of the two.
Ace: You were surfing the net for Danny Strong porn!
Sep: Shyeah. I'm all about the pint-sized pornography.

Jonathan then suggests that he and Andrew ditch Warren, but Andrew interrupts, "Warren's the boss. He's Picard. You're Deanna Troi. Get used to the feeling, Betazoid." He walks off. Jonathan looks anxious. Elsewhere, Warren engages in some terribly written and executed dialogue as he tries to charm the brunette he's latched onto. The woman's tall boyfriend then come over and tells Warren to get lost. Warren has other plans; apparently, the boyfriend, Frankie, is someone Warren went to school with. He does a whole song and dance about how Frankie used mess with him in gym class, then tells him, "Go walk." Frankie gives Warren a shove, but finds he can't move him at all. He struggles until Warren punches him across the room with one easy blow. Warren then knocks down a couple more guys who attack him and cockily tells the room, "Let's party!" See? Terrible dialogue. Smashing open the register and grabbing some money, Warren baby-talks to three terrified women: "Don't worry, babies. Daddy gonna give you some too!" Yuck, on a number of levels. At the same time, Xander exits the restroom (we know this because there's an incredibly and unbelievably loud toilet flush noise on the soundtrack). Xander spots Warren bothering the women and comes to their assistance with a few quips. Warren, however, asks Xander for a shot at Anya, making reference to the Spike/Anya liaison. So Xander punches Warren, who doesn't flinch. Xander grabs his arm in pain; a few insults are exchanged, and Warren ends up smacking Xander across the bar. He stands over Xander, whose face is bloody, and snarls, "Let's see how popular you are without a face!" I dunno, it worked for the man in the iron mask. Jonathan rushes up and reminds Warren that they are working on a time-sensitive project and it's really time to go. The Stooges leave.

Xander comes in the front door of the Summers home. First Spike and now Xander? I see that the seasons-old tradition of never locking the doors in Sunnydale continues. Xander, his face all bruised, calls out that he's found Warren. He stops talking when he spots Spike's duster draped over the banister of the stairs. He grabs the coat and stomps upstairs, where he somehow knows that Buffy is in the bathroom, and enters without knocking or anything. He's angry that Buffy is still seeing Spike, but stops ranting when he sees her sitting in the corner, still in her bathrobe. "What did he do? Did he hurt you?" he demands, and the camera shows us a large bruise on Buffy's inner thigh. "He tried. He didn't --" says Buffy, and Xander starts to storm out of the room, presumably in pursuit of Spike. Buffy stops him with a quiet, "Don't." We then hear the door downstairs slam again, and Willow bounds into the bathroom with news of an important discovery. I know these guys are old friends, but this is ridiculous! Bathroom = privacy! I get ticked when Latch makes an uninvited entrance when I'm taking a bath. But that's mostly because one of her favorite pastimes is to splash water on my face. Seriously. Willow is stopped by the strange tableau but when she asks what happened, Buffy tells her, "Nothing."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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