Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C- | 3 USERS: A-
Thoroughly Modern Millie

Cut to Buffy, pontificating that no one is safe, as she prepares to fight Leftovers, who approaches menacingly. Leftovers jumps her. Not, not that way! His abs aren't rock-hard enough to qualify.

Dawn and Millie try to keep the cabinet against the door as Vest Vamp struggles outside. Dawn assures Millie that they'll make it.

"You can't think too much," explains Buffy. I believe that motto hangs over the door to the offices at Mutant Enemy. It's also engraved, in Latin, on all of Marti's stationery, next to a tiny, embossed, shirtless Spike. Well, that's her formal stationery. Her informal stuff just has the phrase, "Plot and characterization are flobotin." She's a classy lady that way. So, Buffy wants the Junior Misses to just react to vampires and not think. Because thinking is hard and hurts your head real bad. Sorry, Marti was on my mind again. Erm, where was I? Buffy fights Leftovers, and Spike prevents Kennedy from helping her out.

Dawn and Millie haven't gone anywhere since the last quick cut. They reassure each other, and I think Dawn has a plan. It's hard to tell with all the shrieking. The bats have all stuffed cotton wool in their ears and gone back to bed, so I don't hear anything from them about this latest bout of racket. Darn. I miss the little guys. Why do my make-believe animal companions keep deserting me? Buffy fights Leftovers, and then her voice-over tells us that the Slayer must take advantage of things in her environment for a fight as we see Dawn throwing stools and glass beakers at Vest Vamp. She also flicks on a gas jet, but I'm not sure if it's intentional. Buffy's voice-over goes on, and on, and on about finding potential weapons and staying calm as we see Dawn throw acid at Vest Vamp and then grab a flag pole from the front of the room. Millie cowers in a corner. In a bit that does actually make me chuckle, Dawn tries to break the flag pole in half a few times over her knee, but fails. She then breaks it over one of the lab tables as Vest Vamp stands by, patiently waiting for her to finish rather than rushing her. Dawn swings the pole a few times and then falls over backwards as Buffy rambles on about "every blow being part of your plan." Oh, who is she kidding? She's had a million fights where nothing she did was planned or intentional. Vest Vamp pounces on Dawn, and Buffy intones, "And you make that one mistake and it's over." Um, yeah. I know the premise of the show. I have watched the past SIX AND A HALF YEARS, FOR GOD'S SACK!

And I had a little dialogue between Sep and me to go here, where I said I didn't hate this episode, I just had contempt for it, and she was skeptical of the difference, so I explained that contempt is like hate but with the passion turned down and the sneer turned way, way up -- but you know what? Now I do hate this episode.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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