Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 5 USERS: A-

The camera pans up to show Spike being tied to a chair. Spike complains that Buffy is cutting off his circulation until she reminds him that he doesn't have any. Spike protests that he came in the spirit of friendship, but when Buffy gives him a "whatever" look, he admits that it was "seething hatred, but I've got information." Buffy wants him to tell her everything, but Spike says he's too hungry to remember. "Then sit," replies Buffy as she smacks him on the head and goes to give Anya directions on the cooking. Um, I cannot believe for one second that Spike is stupider than Angel who, when he is in his sensitive demon phase, manages to feed without starving to death. I know Spike is well aware of the existence of blood banks and hospitals, not to mention butchers.

Giles has finally figured out that Hus is targeting authority figures, which leads Buffy to suggest that the Dean might be next. Spike is cracking me up at this point by asking for brandy when he hears it is an ingredient in one of the recipes. "Just a small brandy," he whines after he is ignored the first time. Giles suggests warning the Dean. Buffy asks Willow if there is a non-deadly way to defeat Hus. Willow isn't down with this and says that she won't help. Anya walks over to get the brandy as Buffy tries to convince Willow that she is just as upset, but the fact that she stops mid-sentence to tell Anya to add "a quarter cup of brandy and let it simmer" makes her statement a lot less convincing. Then Buffy gets tough, saying that even though Hus has been wronged, they have to end this. Spike, god bless him, sneers, "Oh, somebody put a stake in me." He goes on about the nature of conquering nations: "Julius Caesar isn't going around saying, 'I came. I conquered. I felt really bad about it.'" Snerk. "You had better weapons and you massacred them. End of story." Willow starts to suggest that if they could talk to him (no reason you can't, Will. He speaks perfect English), but Spike cuts her off with, "You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here, take your bloody pick." ["Word." -- Sep] Xander, showing that he's not a stupid guy, pipes up, "Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but some of that made sense." Giles sniffs that he made the same points earlier. Buffy mentions that someone has to go warn the Dean. Willow and Anya get up to go, and Xander starts to get up too, but Spike interjects, "Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead." Ba ha ha. Spike is worth double whatever they're paying him, as is the writer who comes up with his lines. Buffy reminds everyone to hurry as dinner is in an hour.

Sunset. Back to Giles's apartment. Buffy is setting the table; Giles is studying. Spike sullenly asks when dinner is. "Later," snaps Buffy. "Hey," he continues, "do you know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?" Giles allows that he has always wondered about that, but Buffy shushes him. Buffy tells Spike that he can have gravy because "that has blood in it, right?" Spike: "Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood." Buffy: "Do I have to gag you? Because I am not going to listen to you whine all the way through my dinner." Ace: "Hey, Buffy, if you substitute 'season' for 'dinner,' I could say the same for you." Buffy continues that it is going to be a nice, civilized meal. I think that Hus, the Chumash guy shooting arrows in from an upstairs window, has a different idea. Spike jumps around in his chair, maneuvering it in order to get a better view of the action. Buffy tries to talk it out with Hus; as Giles pulls her away she yells, "You can have casinos." Gee, thanks. Your ancestors decimated entire cultures, but it's okay, because then you then gave the remnants of those cultures legalized gambling. And even that is under fire in a lot of areas, despite the fact that reservations are technically supposed to be sovereign states. ["And if you believe that . . ." --Sep] Giles and Buffy hunker down behind the couch as arrows rain down from above. Hus's little friends mob the other windows of Giles's house and begin to fire as well. Spike gets shafted (heh -- see what I did there?) with a wooden arrow in a potentially dangerous area. He looks down and yells, "Hey, watch the heart!"

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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