Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 5 USERS: A-

Cut to Hus breaking into a museum case of weapons and stealing them. ["Geez, any self-respecting Spirit Avenger would make his own weapons. Hus has no honor!" -- Sep]

Xander is lying on the couch, Anya wiping his brow. The gang discusses his various symptoms as Willow recites possible diseases; when she mentions smallpox, Anya gets that excited look like when you're watching Jeopardy and you know the right answer even before Alex Trebek confirms it. Xander gets upset at the mention of syphilis, and Willow tries to reassure him that since it's mystical it will probably go away as soon as the spirit-avenger guy goes away. Buffy mentions that they aren't sure what they're going to do and Giles suggests they could "give him some land," and that he's "sure that will clear things right up." Buffy admonishes Giles that sarcasm doesn't accomplish anything but Giles mutters that "it's sort of an end in itself." ["Giles, Giles, where have you been all my life?" -- Sars] Willow suggest that perhaps there's an appropriate Wiccan spell and starts reading off a list of ingredients, but at the mention of salt, onion, and sage Buffy identifies it as the recipe for stuffing. Xander protests the unfairness of the situation because he didn't give the Chumash syphilis. Willow predictably defends Hus, which is easy for her to do since she's not going to go blind and have pus-filled sores covering her entire body. Giles explains that because Xander was the first person Hus saw, Xander represented Hus's oppressors, but Giles can't figure out how Hus chose his other victims. Xander asks Buffy when she's going to do her patented Slayer thing, but Buffy says the question is still before the court. "Question?" repeats Xander. Buffy gives him a unsettled look and stirs the contents of her bowl harder. The bowl contains some sort of white mixture and I'm concerned that she's whipping cream by hand; I'm not much of a cook, but I'd recommend an electric mixer for that task, Buffy. But then, I'm not the Slayer. Willow primly reminds Xander that there are two sides here and Xander retorts that "the representative to syphilis votes 'Yea.'" Willow says that "it's not that simple." Xander reminds her that they are dealing with a vengeance demon and "you don't talk to vengeance demons. You kill them." Anya, resident vengeance demon, is taken aback by this and says, "I didn't know you felt that way." Xander just gives her a concerned look and an "uh" sound. This sets off Giles and Willow again, and Xander and Anya argue as well. Suddenly Buffy stands up, obviously agitated, and says, "This won't do! It needs more condensed milk." She heads to the kitchen and Giles follows her to remind her that they will solve the problem. Buffy, pathologically concerned with her dinner at this point, snaps, "And we will have a nice dinner. Both. End of story." Giles remarks that Hus won't stop and that vengeance is unending blah blah blah as there is another knock at the door. Buffy answers the door but nobody appears to be there. Suddenly Spike, still covered in his tattered blankie, lurches into the doorway, murmuring, "Help me." Buffy pushes him down. Spike protests that he's boiling out there, and Buffy asks him if he wants her to speed up the process; Giles approaches and hands her a stake. Spike wants an invitation inside, Buffy and Giles refuse, Spike informs them that he's harmless and asks for confirmation from Willow. Giles asks Spike to clarify. "Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore," is Spike's explanation. Ba ha ha! Spike gets all the best lines. Buffy is unmoved and Spike tries to bribe an invitation in by plying her with information about the Initiative.

Cut to Hus, who is lonely and saying a spell in English to conjure more spirit warriors. I can understand that. It's the holidays, and who wants to spend them alone? It's hard being the only Chumash revenge demon in existence. Everyone needs friends.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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