Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I Was Made To Love You

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Luring disco dollies to a life of vice

April perks her way into a random Sunnydale restaurant. She asks some random guys if they know where Warren is. One of them shines her on that Warren just left. April is happy because she's starting to feel tired.

At Warren's parents' house, Buffy and Warren are discussing his reasons for building April. She speculates that he wasn't getting dates and decided, "Hey, this isn't fair." Warren agrees, saying that "everyone deserves to have someone." When Buffy asks how long it took him to build "that little toy," Warren protests that April is "more than that." Buffy totally cracks me up by replying, "Look, I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments." Rather like a Hitachi Magic Wand. Uh, or so I read in Bust. As Warren protests that he made April to care about things he cares about and to support him, we see a shot of the cute but extremely vacant-looking April wandering the streets of Sunnydale. Nice of Warren to give her such good posture, even if he couldn't manage to give her a facial expression that says anything other than, "What is your pleasure today, Master?" He tries to convince Buffy that he made April to be his girlfriend, not just a sex toy. Buffy's like, "Uh, whatever." Warren explains that although he made April to be perfect, "it was too easy and predictable." I'm not even touching that "easy" here because I'm sure y'all can fill in your own joke. Long story short, he eventually found April "boring." He didn't want her and thought he was going crazy. "Really? You?" deadpans Buffy. I giggle. Warren then explains how he met Katrina and fell in love with her because she gave him a hard time and was so unpredictable. "But first you decided to take April out of the box -- play with her for five minutes and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her? Tell her to go away?" Oh bitchy Buffy, I love you. Warren allows that he didn't really dump April; he just went off and left her alone in his dorm room. Buffy is understandably disgusted, but Warren tries to explain that he thought he'd just leave April alone until her batteries wore out. He has no idea as why they haven't yet done so. Because she's the freakin' Energizer bunny of robot girlfriends, I suppose. Buffy asks if April is dangerous and Warren replies, "She's only programmed to be in love." "Then she's dangerous," decides Buffy.

Katrina tromps across a playground and happens to encounter April, her face still wearing one of her variations on "cute 'n' perky." "Hi!" she chirps to Katrina. Katrina just grunts in exasperation and tries to get past April. "Do you know where Warren is?" perks April. Disgusted, Katrina demands, "This is getting insane! How many of you are there?" She then tells April that Warren is her boyfriend and no one else's. This fires off that "random violence" feature Warren for some reason built into his sex toy/supportive girlfriend, and April grabs Katrina by the arm. She then folds Katrina in a bear hug and robots, "You are lying. He cannot be your boyfriend. Say that he is my boyfriend." So suppose I suspend disbelief in order to buy that the technology exists in the Buffyverse to build a robot as convincing as April. Here I am, believing that Warren could get her hair that soft, her skin that smooth, her face that expressive. So could someone please explain why in the hell he could do all that but he couldn't teach her a few goddamn contractions? Well, anyway, April the absolutely perfect robot girlfriend who sometimes randomly uses contractions but mostly doesn't, is choking the air out of Katrina, who gasps to be let go.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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