Buffy the Vampire Slayer
First Date

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | Grade It Now!
More like "last date"

Xander at the Espresso Pump. He fiddles with his cup and then is excited when Pop Star Ashanti shows up. He brags about his hardcore coffee drink, which she grabs and sips and reveals to be "hot cocoa." I'd be really repulsed by someone I barely knew drinking out of my mug without permission. Plus, ugh. Right. I've got it. Xander is an unmanly buffoon. Must this torture continue?

Ace: Why Ashanti anyway?
Sep: Yeah, no kidding! Who would you have rather seen?
Ace: Um, I dunno. In the realm of singers, maybe --Whitney Houston?
Sep: What? You're crazy. Why?
Ace: Because she's one mean-looking lady and I really believe she could fuck your shit up. I think Whitney Houston would be a bad-ass Slayer.
Sep: Bwa! "Eye-eeye will always stake you-ooooo-uuu!"

Dawn, Millie, and Willow research Principal Wood. Kennedy hangs over Willow's shoulder, sniffing her hair or something. They've discovered that Wood seems to have no record of existence at all before he arrived in Sunnydale to work at the school. "Well, that's suspicious," says Kennedy, proving she has great intellect as well as, um…well, I'm sure she has some positive virtues. Oh, right! She's really into Willow, and that's about all Willow requires from a partner.

Anya flounces into the room with a stack of drawings and Giles right on her heels, protesting, "Anya, calm down. They're educational!" Aw, he brought her his little drawings so she'd be all proud of him and look what happened. Willow flips quickly though the drawings, which feature stick figure vampires, Bringers, and Slayers, plus tons of red-ink blood and violence. In a tone only an exasperated girlfriend could muster, Anya bitches, "Giles made them for Chao-Ahn and now she's locked herself in the bathroom." Kennedy and Willow look at Giles in horror, and as he tries to explain the he needed to educate Chao-Ahn about the seriousness of their situation, Willow gasps, "You showed her these?" "Holy crap!" exclaims Dawn, who's just gotten hold of the pictures. She holds up one of the Turok-Han, which has apparently just broken a girl in half and dropped her in a pool of blood. Giles admits that he might need to rethink his approach, and then gets all shocked to hear that Buffy is going on a date. Anya complains that everyone is going on a date but her. Obviously, she wants her snuggles with Giles out in the open and is fearing a retread of the time Xander wouldn't admit that he was engaged to her. I can just hear her complaining to Giles that taking her to scummy alleys and windy, dark dimensions to talk to plastic eyeballs don't count as proper dates. Giles is exasperated, and bitches about the gang thinking about their social lives when they should be gearing up to fight the "original, primal" evil. Stop being fooled by the First Evil packaging, Giles. The box is empty! Contents haven't just settled on shipping; they've entirely disappeared. Andrew lurks around the corner while Giles rants.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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