Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: B+ | 3 USERS: A-
They fight. And fight.

Spike has returned to his crypt to lick his wounds. He puts his head in his hands and sniffs away some tears but realizes that he's not alone. "Who's there?" he asks. "A happy memory," replies Dru, stepping out from the shadows.

Back from commercial, we've been mercifully spared from the "previously on Angel" that Drusilla has just given Spike. She tells him she and Darla are enjoying trying to turn Angel evil, "although [she] didn't care for Angelus setting [them] on fire." Well, who would, really? Spike posits that Dru's feeling nostalgic, and she confirms that she wants to re-group their vampire family. However, Spike rejects her invitation to accompany her to Los Angeles, saying he's done the whole L.A. scene and that he has a nice set-up in "Sunny D." Sunny D? Ech, that reminds me of those lame Sunny Delight ads, with their labored attempts at being "hip." I actually dated one of those guys from those commercials. He was cast as one of the roving rollerbladers sentenced to roam the desert for all time in search of cool, refreshing, fruit-based beverages. We eventually broke up because I couldn't refrain from saying, "Dude! I need a recharge!" at very inopportune times. So Spike tries to bluff that he's still eating humans, but Dru calls him on it, grabbing her temples and snapping, "Tin soldiers put funny little knick-knacks in your brain. Can't hunt. Can't hurt. Can't kill." She approaches him in sympathy, but Spike's embarrassed and angry and gives a little rant about his chipped condition. Not at all affected by this, Dru circles him slowly, telling him she doesn't believe in science. She puts his hand on her breast and tells him he's a killer, "born to slash and bash." Spike seems entranced, and Dru begins to pant heavily. Pausing, Spike pulls his hand from her chest and attempts to describe to her the awful pain inflicted on him by the chip. Caressing his head, Dru tells him she can see the chip and that "electricity lies, Spike. It tells you you're not a bad dog, but you are." Sigh -- Spike can be my bad dog anytime. The reunited lovers growl at each other but are suddenly interrupted by the strident tones of Miss Kendall. She demands to know who Dru is and then assumes that Spike, encouraged by their role-playing earlier, has enticed another vampire into dressing up as Drusilla. Irritated, she tells him, "No threesomes, unless it's boy, boy, girl. Or Charlize Theron." Huh -- Charlize doesn't seem like Harmony's type, but then, what do I know? Urgently, Spike tells Harmony that the vamp in question is Drusilla. Not dissuaded, Harmony bitches Dru out for coming back to Spike after "breaking [her] sweet boo-boo's heart." Drusilla shoots Spike an appraising look and mouths, "Boo-boo?" Hee! Harm continues to bitch, Dru gives her an elegant "talk to the hand" gesture, and then Spike, choosing, grabs Harm by the neck and throws her up against a crypt wall. "Why? Because she's back?" demands Harmony. "No," returns Spike, staring at Dru. "Because I am." Spike, you really are love's bitch. Spike and Dru mack.

Little pow-wow at the Summers home. Buffy has told her mother and Willow the news of Spike's feelings for her. Willow, wearing a baby-cack brown sweater and tightly-tied pink velvet scarf, asks if Spike actually said he loved Buffy. Buffy replies that she stopped him before he got the words out. Joyce then wants to know if Buffy led Spike on, which leads me to believe that they removed more of Joyce's brain than just the tumor. If anyone leads Spike on, it's Joyce, with all her little marshmallows and talk of amphorae. Instead of giving her mom an eye-roll, Buffy just says that she hits Spike a lot, and "for Spike that's like third base." Willow and Joyce fret that Spike could become dangerous, most likely thinking of that whole Angelus mess, but Buffy assures them that the chip keeps Spike safe. She hopes the whole crush will "blow over." Willow and Joyce still aren't convinced, and Willow asks Buffy if she made her lack of feelings clear to Spike. Buffy isn't quite sure that she was as clear as she could have been, but doesn't want to talk to him again. "If he thinks there's even a little chance with you, there's no telling what he'll do," opines Willow.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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