Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cruel Intentions

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: D+ | 1 USERS: F
Cruel Intentions
Bitchy enters her room, and Sebastian is waiting inside; he tells her about dumping Reese, and he's clearly there to cash in his winnings. She tells him to get lost because Ronald is coming over, possibly to serenade her about the life of Dr. Martin Luther King. Sebastian basically yells, "Check and mate!" while wielding a letter from Ronald, dumping Bad Buffy. See, Sebastian reunited Ronald with Cecile, and now the Cello Teacher doesn't want Step-sis anymore. Uh-oh, SMG, looks like someone's calling your Bluff-y! Oh, but in high drama like this, reversals pile upon reversals, and Super-Evil Buffy reveals that she knows Sebastian really loves Reese, but he gave up on her because Buffy threatened his reputation. She says, "I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard," and smiles wickedly. (Somewhere, Christopher Guest and William Goldman file a copyright infringement lawsuit against this movie for STEALING DIALOGUE from The Princess Bride, and also for making it suck.) Apparently, Sebastian's just a pawn, a little toy Buffy likes to play with, and she's sure he's come to collect on the bet, but "unfortunately, I don't fuck losers." Gee, I don't remember that clause in the contract. Sounds to me like she's just making up rules. Also, she's gone from screaming that she wants sex two scenes ago to not caring that Ronald has ditched her and turning away Sebastian, so I'm guessing she's invested in another little toy she likes to play with, one that buzzes. Blah blah blah, no one will tell Sebastian where Reese is, or give her messages from him. He grabs the journal, takes it to her place, and gives it to someone who is presumably Reese's mom, and who looks a lot like Sarah Jessica Parker. I knew that journal would be important. I'm smart like that. Reese reads the journal. For some reason, Sebastian feels free to chill across the street, looking into her window while she does so. Bad Bad Buffy calls up Ronald, who is in bed with Cecile, and tells him she needs to talk to him, and we know she's going to tell him Sebastian slept with his best girl. Apparently, Sebastian sat outside Reese's place all night. We see him hop off the wall he's been sitting on the next morning, looking not that tired, and walking away. Snuh? Why did he wait all night if he was going to leave when she finished reading the journal? Does he have somewhere more important to be? Ronald storms angrily out of his apartment building. See, because when you want to find someone in Manhattan, you wander randomly through Central Park. It works, I guess, because he finds Sebastian five seconds later, confronts him, and punches him. Reese happens upon their fight, because in this movie Manhattan has a two-block radius. Anyhow, the battle royale continues in Plot Contrivance Park, Reese gets tossed in front of a cab, Sebastian shoves her out of the way and gets hit, really really hard by the cab. I'm not that sad about it.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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