Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | 37 USERS: B+
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It's Buffy's world, we just live in it

Fade out, and fade in on Buffy and Spike lying (fully clothed, people!) on the cot. Spike's asleep, but Buffy is awake, stroking his arm. She gets up and paces around the dark basement, thinking about the fight to come, I suppose. Caleb manifests from the dark behind her. Oh, turds. I thought we'd seen the last of him. Rather than seeing an enemy Buffy just Ginsu'd here, I think this might've been a great place to bring back Joyce or someone who could really tweak Buffy's head. First Caleb sulks about Buffy killing Real Caleb, and am I supposed to be laughing here? It's just amusing to think of an enemy who comes calling to kvetch about you winning a battle. It's like Saddam Hussein stopping by the White House during "Operation Iraqi Freedom" to bend Bush's ear about how unfair it was of him to bomb one of Saddam's palaces. "Hey, George baby. Oh, I'm sorry, were you eating? No, carry on. Well, I just came by to tell you that -- say, are those snickerdoodles?! Mind if I take one? Thanks. Well, George, I gotta say -- these bombings really hurt, man. Really brought me low. I thought we were simpatico, buddies, friends. Just wanted to let you know how bad your actions made me feel, George. Well, I'll be leaving now. Um, mind if I have another cookie?" Back in the basement, First Caleb and Buffy trade barbs, and I think Buffy wins the battle of "wits" when she suggests, "Have you ever considered a cool name? I mean, since you're incorporeal and basically powerless. How 'bout 'The Taunter'?" Hey, I laughed. First Caleb reveals another crumb of The First's motivations by claiming that when its armies "outnumber the humans on this Earth," it will achieve corporeality. Er, corporealness. Well, whatever. Why it's aiming for that goal, or why it's been so pointedly focused on ineffectively killing just potential Slayers, or why…oh, right. Puttin' on a happy face for the finale. Just forget all that pesky motivation stuff! It doesn't matter. If there's anything we've learned from James Bond films, it's that megalomaniacal villains always have hazy and poorly planned motivation. It's a genre thang. First Caleb tells Buffy that no one can help her and, morphing into First Buffy, reminds her that there's only one Slayer and the Slayer is always alone, will die alone. Everyone dies alone. Sad but true. Buffy stares at her doppelganger and seems to be thinking, "Hmm -- Dawn's not crazy after all. That color foundation really isn't right for me!" The pause is long enough that First Buffy wants to know where Real Buffy's snappy comeback is. Real Buffy's reply is, "You're right." Spike suddenly starts wiggling, and still in his sleep, bursts out, "I'm drowning in footwear!" First Buffy vanishes. Spike wants to know if Buffy is okay, and she tells him, "I just realized something. Something that really never occurred to me before. We're gonna win." She's going to drown The First in footwear?

Buffy has Giles, Dawn, Xander, Anya, and Faith gathered in her bedroom. We see the shocked faces of the Scoobies reflected in the wardrobe mirror. Silence, and then Buffy asks, "What do you think?" Xander wants to know if Buffy is kidding, and Faith suggests that the plan is "pretty radical." Giles stands up, saying, "It flies in the face of everything we've ever -- every generation has ever done, in the fight against evil." He pauses, breaks into a grin, and continues, "I think it's bloody brilliant." Mm! Whoops, sorry. It's shameful how quickly a smile and a little supportive action will make me go running back to Giles, isn't it? Tony Head is such a charming man -- tell me again why they had him playing Giles as such a freak all season? If there'd been an ounce of story there, a scrap of motivation, I might've rolled with it, but I never understood why. Will no one TELL ME WHY?! Erm, sorry. Happy happy joy joy! Giles (sigh) continues smiling (sigh), and I even forgive him for telling Buffy the plan is brilliant when the rest of the episode reveals it to be half-baked and bizarre. 'Cause I'm the happy finale recapper, remember? Willow dithers about being key-guy in the plan, but la-la-la-la I can't hear her because real Willow died in England last summer and this is just some washed-out simulacrum. Simulacrum Willow is worried about the "total loss of control" the plan entails for her, and TMIs about Kennedy's pierced tongue in the process. Giles tells her she can do it, and offers to contact that mythical coven they yapped about a lot at the start of the season. Dawn and Giles head out to do research, with possible spin-off establishing lines: Dawn calls herself "Watcher Junior" and Giles implies that he'll be contacting the dead for information. Xander and Anya leave too. Buffy, Faith, and Willow are left alone in the bedroom. Buffy hands Simulacrum Willow The Little Red Axe That Could.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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