Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Blood Ties

Episode Report Card
Ace: B- | 3 USERS: A-
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Thank YOU very much, Second Law of Thermodynamics!

Previously on Buffy: a monk expired, Glory pouted, a knight looked cuter lying down, Spike smoldered, and Glory turned out to be a god.

Der Zauber Kasten. Scooby conference. Willow and Tara encourage Buffy, who's wearing a pretty red top and skanky Pointer Sisters eighties-throwback metallic scarf, to have a party in celebration of her twentieth birthday. Buffy is reluctant, however, since she's anxious about facing down Glory. As Giles begins with the exposition, it becomes apparent that the Quentin Travers and his Cow-kids have already returned to England. Pooh. I wish he'd left behind a few of the Cow-kids for us to play with. It might have been fun. Not as concerned with plummy accented sexy librarian types as I am, Giles sets up the following: "Glory and two of her fellow hellgods ruled over one of the more seriously unpleasant demon dimensions." With this show, I'm never sure whether to capitalize "hell." Tara is surprised to hear about alternate dimensions, which gives Anya a chance to act smug and knowledgeable. Apparently, all these demon dimensions are looking for a way into ours, but what with professional wrestling, global warming, and the popularity of NASCAR, I really don't know why they bother. It seems that the CoW doesn't know why the demons bother either, because they could find no information as to what Glory is doing in our dimension. Buffy recaps the fact that we've seen super-strength from Glory but no super-powers, and Giles suggests that "being in human form must be severely limiting her powers." However, she's still "immortal, invulnerable and insane." As Giles prepares a nice cup of tea, he further tells that which we already know, namely that Glory is maintaining her sanity by tapping energy from human brains. "S-she's a brain sucker?" stutters Tara, looking quite disturbed. Yes, I fear it is so, and thank goodness we're all having to sit through the Scoobies extremely steep learning curve and waste valuable time reiterating things we've been shown multiple times.

Buffy hops up from the table, and I envy her cute red top with the bell sleeves (why are bell sleeves always too short on me?) as she obviouses that they need to find a way to defeat Glory. Doy, Buffy. Hey, Giles just handed her a cup of tea, but no one else got one! Watcher's pet. Willow offers to help with spells, and Anya pipes up, "I can do some research. I know way more about demon dimensions than Giles does. [at Giles's glare] Well, I do!" Because he doesn't have special skills to contribute, Xander -- his arm still in a cast -- asks about the key that Glory is obsessed with finding. Buffy looks contemplative and tries to brush off the question, but Willow and Xander push the point and Buffy admits that she and Giles know the location of the key. This news surprises Xander and causes Willow to look very hurt. Buffy tries to explain that she was protecting the gang, but continued hurt looks from Willow cause her to decide to spill the beans. Giles gently asks if she's sure, and Buffy says, "There's something that you need to know -- about Dawn."

Hoo, knights! At night! In the forest. A bunch of the Knights of Borezantium are standing around a fire, toasting marshmallows on their long, manly swords. Hee, not really. Instead, they're chanting, "The Key is the link. The link must be severed. Such is the will of god." Again, I'm unsure about the capitalization for "god" -- but wait, this Key is a key, it's a portal, and now it's a link? I think Dawn really is the cosmic VCR that JHeaton suggested. As the Knights enjoy their little Boy-Scout outing, they're set upon by a crowd of Glory's scrofulous minions. They fight. The Knights win, and just as their leader ("Orlando," or so sayeth the closed captioning) is about to off Jinx, Glory happens upon the scene. Guess she was keeping her superior strength in reserve 'cause she didn't want to mess up her manicure or her strappy shoes. Glory makes short work of the Knights and leaves only Orlando alive. I'm not sure, but I don't think Orlando is the Knight who looked cuter lying down from last week. I could be wrong, though.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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