Boardwalk Empire
New York Sour

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | 58 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Are We Having Dunn Yet?

Mickey and Eli head into the distillery office, where Agent Sawicki is waiting with rookie Agent Warren Knox. Eli’s feeling a little agitated that he needs to be there at all — not to mention that there’s too many people around for his liking, especially when an angry bootlegger pokes his head in, anxious to settle up with Doyle. "I’m involved in this now, Elmer!" squeaks Doyle. Oh, yeah, there’s that voice. Knox leaves to get acquainted with Elmer Borst the Angry Bootlegger. "Guess my time’s not worth anything!" he grumbles.

Once it’s just Stan, Mickey and Eli, it turns out Stan’s shaking Eli down for a little more money for taking care of problems above and beyond. Eli grumbles, but pays up.

Meanwhile, Knox and Elmer are becoming fast friends. Elmer wouldn’t mind a little more law-enforcement help, because "piney bastards keep robbing my garage." Knox says they don’t really do auto theft. Elmer asks, "Don’t you catch bootleggers?" "Not for other bootleggers," says Knox earnestly, and amusingly.

At any rate, Borst is already taking matters into his own hands, and brags about the surprise he’s got rigged up — involving a pulley and a shotgun — at the back door for the next time someone tries to rip him off. Knox, who gets a glimpse of Sawicki’s payoff, seems about to explain how ill-advised it is to: a) do that, and probably b) tell a federal agent about it. But Sawicki calls him back to the office and announces that their inspection is completed.

The old-timey music kicks in as we go over to Cicero, Illinois, where Al Capone greets a truckload of women to the "Cicero Quilting Society." He’s genial for all of about five seconds before screaming at them to "Hoof it!" and all I can imagine is that Cicero apparently takes its quilting pretty fucking seriously. Capone’s brother — we haven’t seen him yet, I don’t believe — gets to play a little good cop to his brother’s bad gangster, assuring the women that their makeup and handbags that got left behind will be sent for. The women are hustled into the nearby hotel, up the stairs into a room with fat old white guys in fezzes. (Shriners, or Elks, or Water Buffalo, or whatever). There are already a couple of women there in various states of undress. "Same ol’ boobs and boozehounds," says one of the newcomers. Did you know Boobs ‘N Boozehounds was originally supposed to be the name of the series?

"We got shipped over from The Deuces for this?" complains one, and Al, ever the gentleman, points out that the ceiling’s the same, which is all they’re going to be looking at. Got that, ladies? This is a missionary-position-only place!

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Boardwalk Empire

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