Boardwalk Empire
Acres of Diamonds

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | 36 USERS: B
Couldn't Quite Seem To Escape Myself
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Nucky, flanked by bodyguards, makes his way to a hotel room somewhere near the beach, judging from the sounds of the birds and the waves outside, and later his old buddy McCoy on a patio is cutting a coconut in half with a machete, and bragging to Nucky about Tampa: "Land of money, cunny, and where it's always sunny." Jesus, "cunny" is just the worst word. Did anyone ever actually say that, or is just made-up vaguely old-timey slang for movies and television? Nucky says "the first two sound good" because he wants money and he's a total hound, but he's not as fond of the sun. This is because he's as pale as a vampire mortician. McCoy just got out of "eight months in stir" and whines that there's either a "three-mile limit or there isn't," an argument that apparently failed to impress the judge. Maybe if McCoy had shown him how impressive his machete skills are? Nucky doesn't seem too interested in listening to McCoy lament the three ships' worth of Scotch seized — and he grimaces at the drink he gets served, with a pineapple garnish — and wants to move on.

Which means it's time for McCoy to turn up the sell job on the land that Nucky was looking at in the first episode. McCoy says it's right in the gulf, a couple days' sale from the Bahamas, and they could unload certain shipments on the beach and ship it anywhere. Nucky points out he can do that in Jersey. I hope McCoy's got a better sales pitch than "but with better cigars," as Nucky is losing interest fast, and is apparently in danger from wayward tennis balls bouncing around the garden patio of the hotel. McCoy's got a little more work to do, because Nucky didn't spent "twenty-six hours in a Pullman" just to shoot down a proposed deal in fifteen seconds and then turn right around and head back. But right now, Nucky's idea of unwinding is a shower (he ignores McCoy's offer to send round a little, well, cunny later) and they arrange to meet later at a speakeasy called Sally's. "Tucker's very excited to meet you," McCoy assures him. Nucky says most people are, until they do. I realize How to Win Friends and Influence People hasn't been written yet, but I'm sure even in 1924 people would like Nucky a little better if he wasn't grimacing at them all the time.

Over on the Harrow family farm, Richard caresses his .45 automatic one last time before placing it in a hole in the ground that he starts filling in with dirt. Richard, there appears to be some sort of mistake! You're not going to be able to do much killing with a gun in the ground! Richard!

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Boardwalk Empire




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