Bionic Woman
Second Chances

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Second Chances
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

An ominous, airy growl greets us as we fade up on a tracking shot following the fluorescent-bedecked ceiling of a dank hallway. As we trip the catacomb fantastic, a caption informs us that it is 4:28 AM, and then that it we are at the Wolf Creek Biotech Research Facility, where we slide down to observe that an attractive young gentleman wearing his Shadowy And Vaguely Threatening Members Only black leather jacket has frozen his face in an intense, action-movie look of concern while hustling down the corridor with some SWATty-looking helmets. The lights are flickering on and off, as they always do when something bad is happening, and indeed, we see that on the floor of the corridor, there are about five white-jacketed bodies surrounded by garish pooling and spattering of blood. One of the dead people appears to have dragged herself in a suspiciously perfect straight line across the floor while dying. A little too neat, I think, that particular work by the blood placement specialists on the art direction team. Shadowy Member looks even more unhappy once he sees these five dead people lying on the ground. I feel you, Shadowy. Mass murder always bums me out, too. A nice, bloody close-up reveals that one of the dead is a nerdy-looking dude with glasses. Nothing like a slaughter of the socially awkward to build tension early. What did Poindexter ever do to anyone? What? Shadowy and the SWATs burst into a grimy-looking room full of what would appear to be small-animal cages, none of which seem to have small animals in them, and several of which have open doors.

Before you conclude that this is a PETA stunt gone awry, observe that at the far end of the room, coincidentally bathed in the room's one lonely shaft of intense glow (coming from the catacomb's...skylight?), is a blonde in a hospital gown, who's crouching over yet another body, her back to Shadowy. We swing around to look her in the face, seeing that she is none other than Battlestar Galactica's Katee Sackhoff, sporting some blood smudges (as you can imagine) as she miserably whimpers, "I didn't want to." See, this is where you feel sympathy with her, because of all the times you've killed a bunch of people even though all you were trying to do was eat lunch and maybe rescue a few kittens. Her feet and legs covered with blood, she slowly turns around, still in a crouch, to face Shadowy and the SWATs. "I'm not in control," she says through uneven breaths. Shadowy looks at her sadly and says, "I know." He knows! They look at each other, and she chokes out, "Tell me you love me." Hey, don't beg! When you have to ask for it, it doesn't mean anything! She and Shadowy stare at each other. His jaw quivers, because he is the sensitive kind of shadowy. Without getting an answer, she pounces (okay, she clearly has not read The Rules) and flies through the air in the direction of Shadowy and the SWATs. With her still airborne, Shadowy drops her with one shot from his big gun (heh), and she hits the ground hard, face-first. Believe it or not, that's not the most painful end of a relationship I've ever heard of. She looks up as Shadowy steps closer to her. Now she's dripping blood on the floor. I hope this doesn't represent the show's typical pace of bloodletting, because I do get woozy. "I love you," Shadowy says. You always brutally attack the one you love. He adds insult to injury by shooting her in the face. Or...injury to injury, I guess.

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Bionic Woman

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