Bionic Woman
Paradise Lost

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Paradise Lost
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on They Un-Blinded Her With Science: Miss Jaime Sommers was busy caring for her punk-ass little sister and moistly dating the wafer-dry Professor Dorkus. She was pregnant besides. But then she got in a huge car accident, lost the baby, gained a few washing-machine parts, fought "the first bionic woman," watched Professor Dorkus get shot, showed off some mad skillz she picked up during a visit to the Ministry Of Silly Runs, and tried in vain to hold her own in a stony-glare-off with Miguel Ferrer. There was some backstory involving Dorkus's father, original bionic woman Starbot, Starbot's ex-boyfriend the girlfriend-shooting robot trainer, and a French-speaking dude who likes to sew his own arm up after mishaps and who ended the episode by breaking Dorkus Senior out of an underground prison.

We fade up on a cemetery, where the good news is delivered right away: everyone is gathered and dressed in black to mourn Professor Dorkus, who is quite emphatically dead as a result of what appeared at the time to be a superficial shoulder wound. Yay! I know. I would never cheer the demise of a real person, but he is not a real person. Even compared to other fictional characters, he was extra-unreal. Becca is at the cemetery with Jaime, which makes Becca already somewhat more sympathetic than she was last week, when she mostly listened to loud music and enjoyed not being deaf. Becca reaches out and takes Jaime's hand during the service as a saxophone plays mournfully (the music on this show sometimes feels weirdly '80s-inspired, like it's sex music from L.A. Law, only it's tension music here). Jaime looks over and locks eyes with Miguel Ferrer -- who is now entitled to his real character name, Jonas, now that I have learned it -- who is lurking about, just checking out the headstones. What comes of this, for the moment, is...nothing!

As Becca and Jaime leave the cemetery later, arm in arm, Becca asks Jaime if she's all right, and Jaime says she'll be fine. The most compelling thing about this episode so far is Jaime's belted coat, which is very nice and very flattering. I seem to spend a lot of time liking the coats on this show. Perhaps I'll like it better if I think of it as The Coat-Wearing Woman. Jonas calls out to Jaime from a few headstones away, and she dismisses Becca to go talk to him. Jaime tells Jonas that she's headed back to her old life as a bartender, and she's going to forget the whole thing. I don't know. If I had a hydraulic hinge in my shoulder and could hear conversations on the other side of Yankee Stadium, I don't think I'd be able to take a "carry on as if it never happened" approach. Jonas looks after her as she walks off, but he doesn't stop her. If you love your supercharged weapon, set her free. If she returns to you, she is yours forever. If she doesn't, her superfast finger will make a nice smoothie machine. Becca asks Jaime who that was, and she says it was "nobody."

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Bionic Woman




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