Big Brother
Veterans vs. Veterans

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
Cracks Widen

Adam pays Rachel and Brendon a visit in the HoH room, and makes the case for Kalia and Lawon being floaters. They seem pretty receptive to that idea, but they're not actually too sympathetic to Adam. He already screwed them the first week, after all, and Rachel doesn't forgive.

Lawon makes his pitch next, and they're even less receptive to him. In fact, Rachel's bored-face is so over-the-top that Robin Williams would tell her to dial it back. In her defense, it's pretty much the only reasonable response to Lawon's word salad.

Next day, the veterans give Dominic a hard time for his snoring, especially Jeff, who apparently stayed awake throwing shit at Dominic's head. So there's another strike against Dominic.

Rachel announces a luxury competition, not to be confused with the Have-Have/Not competitions, because everyone gets to play, including Golden Key holders, and there are no Have-Nots for the week. All of which seems like good news unless you have to listen to Rachel scream it. Outside, there's a red carpet, which tells them (as we already know) that there'll be a celebrity visit coming up. Adam's like a girl in a Beatles newsreel over the possibility that it might be Tori Spelling. Suddenly, from the curtains emerges... some guy. Maybe he's famous to other people, but I don't watch the Food Network. Everyone claps, until they all realize nobody else knows who he is either. Turns out he's on Same Name, that show whose promos I've been ignoring during the commercial breaks for this show for the past three weeks, and he got to switch places with someone who has his name. Long, awkward pause. "What's your name?" they ask him, which is the most naked show of backhanded interest in another human being I've ever seen. Anyway, he's not saying. He just says that clues will be given until someone guesses who they're about.

The first clue is some soap and a pair of opera glasses ("fancy binoculars,") as Brendon calls them. Everyone's stumped except for stealth-genius Jordan, who thinks maybe the brand of soap is "Bay" and the opera glasses are for "watching," so... Baywatch? Then she asks Jeff who played Mitch Buchanan on that show and he tells her and she goes into the DR to guess David Hasselhoff. Meanwhile, Brendon tells Rachel it's stupid to guess on the first clue.

The second clue is a microphone stand in the kitchen, so now that everyone has narrowed it down to a singing soap star, Brendon guesses Michael C. Hall, who... can sing. Kind of a stretch, though. Brendon's annoyed that Rachel is helping Porsche, but when Porsche guesses Michael Jackson, it's obvious what kind of help Rachel is giving. Adam guesses Ricky Martin and Lawon guesses Barbara Streisand. When the horn for the third clue goes off, someone walks in wearing a full suit of armor and carrying a lifeguard's rescue can. Jeff guesses "Mike Knight," which is not as far off as it seems. Rachel guesses Kiera Knightley, and Porsche guesses Brian McKnight. Jeff guesses Christopher Walken, I don't know why. Because the knight is Walken through the house? Dominic guesses both John Stamos and Mark Wahlberg. The knight walks out, and they hear an engine revving outside. KITT from Knight Rider is parked there, and out hops none other than David Hasselhoff, wearing a t-shirt that reads "Don't Hassel the Hoff." "You're the first person we've seen in about a month," Daniele says, forgetting the other David Hasselhoff and the medic from last week who rescued Kalia from beneath Lawon. Hasselhoff is in the Diary Room over the subtitle identifying him simply as "The Hoff," saying that he appreciated the warm welcome he got until he realized they hadn't seen anyone else in a long time. He's clearly not a fan of this show, because he doesn't know they have to share bedrooms, co-ed. They even make him lie down on one of the Have-Not beds. Hasselhoff announces Jordan as the winner of the competition, and says she gets to have three guests with her in the HoH room to enjoy a nice meal and watch Same Name. Kind of a good news/bad news thing, there. Jordan picks Jeff, Shelly, and Kalia. Rachel and Brendon both look deeply put out. "What is going on in your head, girl?" Rachel whines in the DR. Oh, the usual. Hasselhoff says to his wrist, "KITT, get me out of here." Can I come? KITT has a shotgun seat, right?

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Big Brother




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