Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
Chocolate Reign

Once again, we start with the Head of Household competition already in progress. As you recall, it consists of racing back and forth on a slippery graham cracker to fill a big round globe with hot chocolate so they can take a marshmallow out. In other words, it's a s'mores-themed competition created by an insane idiot with only the most rudimentary understanding of s'mores. Jeff's sitting this one out as the outgoing HoH, but he Diary-Rooms that he thinks he's safe no matter who wins, because he doesn't know that the promises that Kevin and Natalie mad to him in exchange for booting Russell are for shit. At the same time, Kevin, Natalie, and Michele all DR that they're motivated to win to keep themselves safe. As always, the editing of the challenge is much more cohesive three days after the fact than live, so now we can see that the mugs are not only small, they're deliberately leaky. We also get to see Kevin slip and fall on his ass from so many different angles.

After a flashback to Russell's oddly cheerful exit, Natalie gloats that Jeff did what she and Kevin wanted him to. Michele DRs says there's no one left who has her back, and Jeff gives Russell props for leaving "on a classy note." Kevin is glad he's gone, and Jordan calls him "the biggest butt I've ever met in my life." Jeff is satisfied, and Jordan is sweaty. Okay, I think we're all up to speed now.

Back to the competition. The chocolate rain has begun, which Jordan has trouble describing in the DR as making things "slipperier." Still, she's in the lead. Until, that is, she starts getting tired and begins repeatedly losing her balance. There's a whole montage of her falling, including one spectacular spill where she simultaneously throws her cup across the yard and mashes her boob. Kevin starts pulling ahead. Natalie displays some of those championship tae kwon do moves trying to save herself from falling. Eventually she realizes that Kevin's got enough of a lead that she can let this one slide. Or, as she puts it, not let the others know that she is a strong competitor. So far, that appears to be a fact she's kept hidden from the whole universe. She oversells the suckage a bit, even dropping her mug into her barrel. This impresses nobody. After a while longer, Kevin gets his bowl full, but his marshmallow is nowhere to be seen. It's supposed to be popping up through one of the little holes in the wooden grate atop the bowl, but it's not happening. Until he wiggles the bowl around and pulls it out with his teeth. Kevin's the HoH for the first time. He's thrilled, Jeff is waiting to see how it plays out, and Michele's very worried. I have to say, the last few episodes have been pretty predictable, but Kevin's HoH victory is something I never would have seen coming, if not for the show's ridiculous insistence on staging HoH competitions across two nights so you can get really easily spoiled regarding the results.

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Big Brother




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