Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A+ | Grade It Now!
Matching Meltdowns

After Michele nominates Chima and Natalie, she Diary Rooms that although she's friends with Chima, she's there to win half a million dollars. And then the groups split off, with Chima, Natalie, and Lydia going off to complain about Michele's nominations sucking because they're what "they" wanted her to do, whereas if she had done what "we" wanted her to do Michele would have just made a brilliant move. Michele adjourns up to the HoH room with Jordan, Jeff, and Russell. They're out of patience with the drama from the other four, like me, but unlike Jeff and Russell, I'm generally able to express my frustration without using the word "bitch."

Downstairs, Chima is telling her allies that she's thinking about just leaving, because she's so bitter about Michele "backstabbing" her. Kevin points out that if she does that, she'll screw her alliance, because they need her vote in the house. Like Chima gives a shit about anyone but Chima.

"Houseguests, the lockdown is over," Big Brother announces, and they head out to the backyard to see a practice version of this week's PoV competition, which looks like kind of a mini-golf thing. Kevin goes inside to wake up Chima so she can practice. When she comes out, a Big Brother voice HAL 9000s over the PA, "Chima, please put on your microphone." She ignores it. Jordan remarks on Chima's pattern of disregarding the rules, which we haven't seen too much of, but now that the show has a case to make, we see a montage of past occasions when Chima has ignored instructions, like on Day 6, Day 10, Day 35 (when she essentially threatened to have the FCC all over CBS, like the network hasn't figured out how to bleep her), and Day 40, when she covered up a camera. Kevin goes to get Chima's mic for her. She takes it, and tosses the pack across the yard, right into the Jacuzzi. Natalie and Lydia go over to fish it out, acting like "it fell out of her hand." Ladies, I don't think your litter cover-up is going to work. With several dozen cameras recording everything, it's like I Know What You Did Last Summer for morons. Call it Ten Million People Know What Chima Did Five Seconds Ago.

Later, Chima is instructed to go get a new microphone pack from the storage room. She refuses, and Kevin once again goes to fetch it for her. She finally puts on and says into it, "You guys can suck a dick." And then she takes it off again. Aren't you glad you insisted, Big Brother?

Later, Chima's in the red room with her friends, as they try to convince her to go to the DR, as Big Brother is repeatedly requesting. She still refuses, until the creepily, insistently calm HAL 9000 voice is replaced by that of Executive Producer Allison Grodner herself, telling Chima in a human and very irritated voice that she needs to go to the DR. Natalie tries to buck Chima up as she finally, finally goes. And when Chima reaches the DR, Allison or another producer is in there, being filmed from the shoulders down. "No need to sit down," she instructs Chima. "You're gonna go out this way." And she does, and the camera focuses on the empty DR couch. Way to leave with your dignity intact, Chima.

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Big Brother




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