Big Brother
Settling In

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Eat, Drink, and Be Scary

Now, the houseguests do a little dishing about each other. Tonya diary-rooms that Chiara seems "really genuine." Lisa, on the other hand, diary-rooms that she doesn't see any particularly strong competition. Amy adds that this year's group is hotter than last year's. I don't know. There's no Evil Doctor of Unfettered Lust yet, but I do think the nice people are, on average, significantly better-looking than last year's nice people. Of course, at this time last year, I wanted to marry Hardy, so you never know what a season will bring.

Josh tells the camera that the game is his, and the house is his. He gives the other houseguests the courtesy of admitting that they're "involved." I begin imagining what he would look like as a stuffed head over my fireplace. I would poke him in the eye every time I walked through the living room. In fact, the temptation to do that might make me late for work.

Julie returns to the houseguests to tell them about the food challenge. So far, they have just PB&J, but they can win groceries in the challenge. She sends them out to the basketball court, where they discover three big trees; each has two big birdlike nests in it. The way this works is that they each get a shopping bag, and they grab all the groceries they want from the big table in the yard. Then they climb up in the nests with their shopping bags. Each nest has to be boy-girl. The shopping is uneventful, highlighted by Danielle's continuing admonitions to "get the meat." Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that on this show, I could quit my job and watch the live feeds. They climb up obediently into the trees; the pairs are Marcellas-Danielle, Gerry-Amy, Josh-Lisa, Jason-Lori, Eric-Chiara, and Roddy-Tonya. Just as time expires and they all settle in, Lori emphatically yells, "TWEET TWEET!," which is pretty cute, actually. Julie now explains the weird twisty thing they've introduced this year to try to screw with the dynamics. Because the dynamics are normally so healthy. Anyway, the deal is that whichever pair is last to leave its nest becomes essentially a team inside the house, and that pair wins three thousand dollars for every week they both stick around, so they can split a maximum of $30,000. The general rules of tree-sitting are that they can't go inside for bathroom breaks, they can't sleep, and they have to hang on to their bags and all the groceries they've carried up into the tree with them. So it's just you and your food and whatever sorry person you climbed up there with.

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Big Brother

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