Big Brother
Settling In

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Eat, Drink, and Be Scary

Time for this week's luxury competition. As Lisa dramatically announces, the object of the challenge is to win hot-tub privileges. Oh, like CBS would ever deny these people hot-tub privileges for any period of time. If they were to lose this challenge, the next one would be, "You have five minutes to each write your name on a piece of paper." Okay, they might give them six minutes, because of Amy. Anyway, the way this works is that each of the houseguests gets a swimsuit assigned to him or her. The women get fairly simple bikinis, and the men get t-shirts and shorts. There's a large green tank of green goo out on the patio. (They never do tell us what the goo is.) They have to enter the tank in groups of four, each group containing two men and two women. Once in the tank of semi-opaque modesty-compromising slime, each group has to fully exchange swimsuits, so that the men end up in the bikinis and the women end up in the shirts and shorts. They have six minutes for all three groups to finish. So that puts the nudity clock at about seventy-five minutes of show, total.

The first group in is Eric, Roddy, Danielle, and Tonya. Get naked, get dressed. They have a pretty good time, actually, and Eric has a nice smile. As they finish and begin to exit, we learn the strangest part of this competition for the men, which is that the women's bikini bottoms, when they are put on underwater (or underslime, as it were), have a tendency to trap a big pouch of the water (or slime), which then bounces along between the wearer's legs once he exits. Eric refers to this as "this extra package bouncin' underneath me." Unexpected comedy really is the most precious kind. Eric helps Tonya out of the slime, and as it turns out, the challenge for most of the women is keeping the men's suits from falling off, because all the women on this show this year wear a size zero, and the shorts are a tad bigger than that.

Next group in is Lori, Chiara, Marcellas, and Jason. Chiara says that the nudity was okay, because it was a group thing. Marcellas diary-rooms that he enjoyed standing next to Jason for said nudity (heh), and that he "got to show [his] ass on nationwide television, which is sort of liberating." I love the little inflection he puts on "liberating." He tickles me. Danielle, meantime, diary-rooms that "Marcellas looks really comfortable in the bikini." She pauses. "If you know what I mean." Yes, dear. We know what you mean. You are the last person in America to get what you mean, actually. She also mentions that of the men, only Jason really looked good in the bikini. "It caressed his little hips ever so lightly," she says admiringly, and I wish it weren't true, but it sort of is. He has quite a delicate girlish figure. For, you know, a hottie. Chiara isn't too happy that he fits perfectly into her suit. But clearly, the women are Jason fans.

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Big Brother

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