Big Brother

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M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
Dan, the Man with the Plan

After we're reminded that Dan nominated Jerry and his own secret ally Memphis, Ollie gloats in the Diary Room about how he has all of he power but none of the blame, thanks to the deal he made with Dan. Memphis is more succinct: "I think Dan's plan is crap." And fellow nominee Jerry assures us that he's a "fighter." Funny how he keeps calling it that. Dan, meanwhile, insists that his nominations were a calculated risk. I would agree, except for the "calculated" part.

Up in the Head of Household room, Dan doesn't help himself by telling Memphis to continue to "act" pissed. Memphis tells him it's not an act. Dan tells Memphis about the final part of the deal, where Ollie gets to pick the replacement nominee, but he tells Memphis it won't happen. "What if Ollie wins the Power of Veto and takes Jerry off?" Memphis wonders. "Michelle's going home," Dan assures him, with more confidence than I think is warranted. Then he tells the DR that Ollie is an idiot for thinking Dan will actually do what he said he would. Well, Dan, who made Ollie think that? Memphis remains uptight and irritated.

Dan goes to Keesha, who tells him that she thinks he made a mistake. Renny joins them, and Dan sort of tells them that Ollie wanted Memphis nominated and Michelle protected. That tells Renny and Keesha about the Ollie/Michelle alliance, and when they ask what will happen if Memphis vetoes himself, Dan says he'll basically have no choice but to fuck Ollie over and put up Michelle as the replacement nominee. "Oops," he shrugs. Dan tells Renny to trust him, which by this point is having the opposite effect that he wants.

And in the other bedroom, Ollie is telling Jerry and Michelle about the remainder of the deal. Michelle likes the deal, but Jerry is pretty nervous about how this could play out. Ollie promises that if Dan screws him, "Hell will be unleashed on him." How much extra Hell do these people actually have access to, anyway?

Dan calls everybody into the living room, and when they're all there, the monitor tells them about America's Vote in which we (or rather, people who care) voted on who gets a call from home. Except they don't get to find out who it is until tomorrow, because this way it can have the most devastating emotional effect on everyone, and Keesha and Jerry and Michelle can all make pathetic appeals to the DR camera. Too late now, for two of the three of them.

Next day, the phone in the living room rings. That's right, the PHONE. In the LIVING ROOM. Michelle goes scampering out there, wondering what to do. Try answering it, bonehead. You'd think this would be like riding a bike. It turns out to be Jerry's family. As the other houseguests gather in the living room to listen in, Jerry gets to talk first to one of his great-grandkids, and then his wife, who has Parkinson's. That's Jerry saying that, not me diagnosing her through the TV, by the way. It's an emotional moment for everyone, obviously. Are you waiting for me to make fun of a lady with Parkinson's? Come back next week, maybe.

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Big Brother




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