Big Brother
None of Your Bismuth

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
How Jessie Stole Christmas

I just realized, we got through this summer without the houseguests having to pretend to be excited about getting to see some movie so shitty it has an August release date. On the other hand, the summer isn't over yet.

We rejoin the HoH competition already/still in progress. The six remaining non-Frank houseguests are hanging on ropes and standing on tiny little platforms that are circling a big fake sun that's spraying yellow paint on them. Outgoing HoH Frank Diary Rooms that given the tension between himself and Ian this past week, he's hoping for a win from one of his new allies (Jenn, Dan, or Danielle). Jenn DRs that when you make big moves like she did last week (helping get rid of Britney), you become a big target. I think that might only be the case when the moves are plural, though.

Ian DRs that he has to win after Britney's exit. We flash back to Britney's eviction, and Shane tells us that he figured Britney would choose Ian to take to the final two rather than himself, which is why he voted her out. As opposed to Danielle, who isn't going to get near the final two, but Shane figures she can keep him safe or a couple of weeks. Ian DRs about his guilt over Britney paying the price for his moves last week. As for Dan, he DRs that he was much more loyal to one person the first time he played (referring to Memphis, who he beat in a 7-0 jury vote), but this time he has to play much more ruthlessly. Which ended up being bad news for Britney. Then there's Frank, who's still in his carrot costume as he congratulates himself on getting rid of Ian's closest ally, even if he couldn't get rid of Ian himself.

Back at the competition, Joe falls off his rope after a pathetic two minutes. Of course we already know from Thursdays' show that he never made it past the first commercial break. Joe hollers at his kids in the DR for laughing at him, but I don't think it's just his kids. We see Frank in game-show-host mode inviting Joe to open the box containing the punishment Big Brother has chosen for him: "24 hours of hula hoop boot camp." Sounds awesome. Basically all it means is that Joe will have to hula-hoop every time Big Brother plays reveille. Then we get to the part of the competition where the big phallic asteroid comes out for the players to crash into. After colliding, Jenn drops off after five minutes, which was also shown on Thursday's show. It's not any more impressive now.

Dan DRs that he got an offer from Ian to reunite the Quack Pack before Thursday's live show, and a flashback to "5 HRS BEFORE LIVE SHOW" bears that out. Ian DRs that he still feels he can trust Dan, because he's an idiot. Dan goes along with it, but he has to smooth things over with Shane after ambushing Danielle at Dan's "Big Brother Funeral." Which seems to work well enough, and to be sure, Dan seems to be working both sides.

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Big Brother




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