Big Brother
Li'l Soul Patch Hits The Bricks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Strange Weather We're Having

Previously on Big Brother 3: Danielle became HoH, and everyone wondered how it would affect them. Because in the end, this is one game where you can legitimately say it's all about you. Danielle also made a gigantic gloating fool out of herself several times, as she so often does when she's overly proud of her accomplishments. Not that one should not be proud of one's accomplishments, but one should probably not be so obnoxious that one's housemates want to beat one with a large stick. Danielle nominated Lisa and Amy, and if you didn't see that one coming, then I can only recommend that you start watching the occasional television program other than Newshour With Jim Lehrer, because trash apparently throws you. Danielle also tried to get Jason some action by suggesting good old-fashioned prostitution as a means for the girls to avoid eviction. After pretending to agonize over it for a full week while basking in the studliness of it all, Jason evicted Amy. Amy had a bad week, managing to throw up, be evicted, and get peed on. Good thing she's a trouper. In other news, Lisa began to figure out that something was going on between Danielle and Jason, and that, in all likelihood, it wasn't good news for her.

When we last saw our intrepid contestants, they were stranded in the middle of a special above-ground back yard pool in individual inflatable rafts. There was fake rain blowing on them in a blatantly fake manner, and they were making like Scott Wolf in that movie White Squall (also known as Dead Captains' Society), where Scott and his prep-school buddies had to defend themselves from both life-threatening storms and a seriously scenery-chewing Jeff Bridges. The houseguests were also wearing stupid red rain hats, looking like characters from a cartoon children's book called Nummy The Slow-Witted Bear Learns To Stay Dry.

I can't tell you how happy I am that this is the second-to-last time I have to hear the credits theme music. Especially because this week, they start the credits music with a very special thunderstorm sound effect. Are you kidding me? Someone needs hurt the person who came up with that. If you are the person who came up with it, I'm sorry. Actually, I'm not sorry. Look, after all, at what you've done to me. Look what you've done to the reputation of the drum machines and simulated violins of the world. They may never recover.

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