Big Brother
Lamer Vs. Lamerer

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
He Blinded Me With Science

Daniele: "It's a game move. This is a game."
Rachel: "I understand that. I'm not crazy."
Rachel's Diary: "I don't understand it! Because I am so crazy! I hate women! Especially Daniele! And myself!"
Daniele: "Like I'm just playing a game, you know?"
Rachel: "I know. Isolating the biggest fighters in the house during the first week of single play is a really good move. Plus it will get everybody on your side, because we are gross."
Rachel's Diary: "She's so bad at this game! She plays so personally! Well guess what, I hate floaters!"


Players: Daniele, Rachel, Brendon...
Jeff, kind of surprisingly: "I want to be on this PoV so I can screw Rachel & Brendon."
Daniele: Fishes out Jeff, delighting them both.
Rachel: Pulls Adam, which is a relief for everybody involved.
Brendon: Gets Porsche, which who cares.
PoV Host: Lawon. So very entertaining.

Then instead of playing the Veto, everybody goes to bed. Jeff & Jordan discuss how they are sticking with their Daniele plan until next week, when they get rid of her. Ugh.

Jordan: "How about you backdoor her so you don't come off like a total cocksucker?"
Jeff: "Oh, I just had a great idea. I can backdoor her, so I don't come off like a cocksucker."

The PoV is a Greatest Hits of five past competitions, from the bubblegum to the milk pool, that is an obstacle course.

Jeff: "Please just don't make me spell things."
Lawon: "[Screaming about some lunatic dumb thing or another.]"

The trick is that you write down how long it'll take you to run each thing in the obstacle course, and then it's closest-or-over, and the biggest braggart puts their money where their mouth is, and have to prove it. The person with the slowest bid gets knocked out instead, if they succeed, so somebody gets eliminated with every task.

Everybody But Adam: "I need to win this Veto because this is a game show."
Adam: "However pathetic you think I am, trust that I dislike myself even more."

Task One: Simplified balance beam gumballs. The fastest time is Rachel, the slowest time is Adam, which is realistic of him. He is generally pretty realistic about how bad he is at everything. Rachel's boobs and Brendon lunkheadedly cheering her on. Kalia riffs on how his dumb voice encouraging her to keep doing a good job is disgusting to think about them doing it. ("Joke's on you guys! Our sex life is mostly just us using each other's bodies to masturbate because we have deep sexual issues!") Rachel beats her time by 11 seconds, eliminating Adam. At least he did it by math instead of sucking. That's something.

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Big Brother




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