Big Brother
Kaysar And The Stack Of Greenbacks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Morality Takes A Holiday

"Howie's caloric intake exceeds that of any human," Will comments. "It's on the level of a hippopotamus." And then Will goes on in the DR: "One day I realized...Howie's not a small boy." He claps his hands clumsily while he says, "Howie's a big boy!" Hee. So that's where "big boy" comes from. I should have known. Howie insists that Will calls him this because Will is jealous. Ah, yes. "Y'all are just jealous!" Another way in which the excessively awesome are victimized by everyone else. As Howie hangs from a pull-up bar in the house and shows off his bod, Will remarks that he kind of looks like a "mayonnaise-eating bear." Or possibly a "diabetic manatee." Will needs to learn that his first joke is usually funnier than the one he adds. True for so many of us. Editing is a menace! Howie DRs that he looks forward to selling some "Big Boy" T-shirts, and the show is kind enough to superimpose over Howie an incredibly unsophisticated graphic of a blue T-shirt that says "Big Boy." It's the worst visual effect I've seen in quite some time, but it's glorious in its unapologetic cheapness. And then we watch Howie dance outside as the rest of the houseguests chant "Big Boy." When I say they're starved for entertainment in that house, you really, really need to believe me. Then, in the weirdest part of the segment yet, Danielle lectures Howie about the fact that he seems to be putting on weight. She DRs that she saw Howie eat a whole bag of chips, and that she's concerned. He promises her that he will try to eat sensibly. That was incredibly strange, like they just got a $100,000 kickback from the FDA for throwing that message in there. I'm surprised they didn't have Danielle explain the food pyramid and give out the URLs for a few government web sites.

Out on the spider web, George is called out for farting, and that's what passes for a reintroduction to George. He talks about his surprise that he got this far, and...that's it for George, for the moment. When he's not having gas or wearing funny outfits, they kind of don't know what to do with him.

Will abruptly announces that he's going to "walk around," and then he does the fakest intentional fall through the web that I've ever seen. He jumps to the ground and runs over to the collection of eggs. You'll recall, and Will explains, that the first five people to fall/drop off the web got to break eggs, three of which contained prizes -- $10,000 in one, a slop pass for a week in the second, and the ability to nullify one eviction vote in the third. The other two are "rotten" and contain nothing. Will picks out an egg, but before he can break it, Danielle announces that they should all agree that whoever wins the slop pass should give it to George so he can eat for a week. I'm not sure why they all are expected to give George food when George himself made a decision that he wanted to commit to permanent slop in order to stay in the house. Will says that he can't promise he'll give the slop pass to George. "You son of a bitch," Danielle mutters. Oh, quiet down, Danielle. Will tells her that he's only kidding, and in fact, he says that he will agree to that arrangement. Interestingly, I'm just about convinced that Will doesn't care a whole lot about eating slop. Maybe his life in L.A. has made him impervious to weird, Spartan, protein-enriched food. But it's all a moot point, because when he breaks his egg, it's rotten. Mike DRs that Will wanted to win the money and taunt everyone, but it didn't work out the way he'd like in the sense that people aren't really angry at him. Every once in a while, you catch Mike saying something about Will that has the tiniest hint of an edge, and that was a good example. They're clearly friends, but I think they have one of those friendships between men where there's The Hot One and The Other One, and just as with women, those friendships can be loaded with baggage, no matter how mature you think you are. You'd almost think that Mike would overcompensate by hooking up with random women on camera and putting himself at the center of the reality social scene just to prove Will doesn't have anything on him.

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Big Brother




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