Big Brother
The Tables Turn

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
My Boyfriend's Back

I normally skip the previouslies, but in this case, the "previouslies" are where we learn that the little farewell gift Annie left before her eviction was a smoke bomb. Scandalous!

So now we're down to twelve players and zero saboteurs. Rachel Diary-Rooms that she's happy to get to stay, especially with Brendon, while Enzo says that after Annie got hit with a "grenade from the Brigade," Brendon and Rachel are next. Yeah, good luck with that. After Annie's departure, Brendon comes clean on all his degrees, but insists he is still a swim coach. And in the Diary Room, Andrew and Ragan gloat that nobody knows they're a doctor and a college professor, respectively. It just makes Enzo want Brendon out more.

But of course, since Rachel won HoH, that's not going to happen, at least not this week. Andrew throws a happy party for some reason, drawing attention to himself as always. Britney DRs, "We let some idiot, who wasn't even smart enough to put on pants before the competition, win." Indeed, the editors are blurring her ass when she hugs Brendon. Enzo says the Brigade got hit, but they're the ones who give them out. I don't think that's the case, actually. Too bad there isn't going to be a DVD of this season featuring the Brigade that exists inside Enzo's head.

Matt and Enzo try to figure out what's going to happen next, saying that Brendon is the de facto HoH this week. They at least admit they made a mistake sending home Annie, which is the first thing they've done right.

Brendon and Rachel celebrate and make out in one of the bedrooms, but Rachel DRs that she can't use her power for revenge. Brendon DRs that they're going to make their decisions together. In other words, Brendon is making the decisions.

In the kitchen, Enzo and Britney decide that Andrew is in an alliance with Rachel and Brendon, just because he was so happy about the results. Andrew himself tells Britney and Monet that he thought one of them was going to win it. They call him on his little celebration, and he stupidly admits the he has to be honest. Not in this house you don't, moron. Andrew just digs himself in deeper with Britney, and we saw how that worked out for Annie.

Rachel shows off her HoH room: "The time when I have to act like I care about things that I don't care about," Matt DRs. Britney's even better: "I really just kind of wanted to shoot myself in the face but I thought whatever, I will follow her flopping butt-cheeks all the way upstairs." I may soon be forced to admit that she's kind of funny. Rachel's obnoxiously thrilled especially with a little bottle of tequila she got. Britney: HATE.

Lane and Hayden agree that Brendon is the real HoH, and Hayden says he "might have to make some moves this week." You think?

Kristen finally gets a little screentime, as she and Hayden compare birthmarks. He's quite smitten, but he doesn't know what's up with her. He's used to just smiling at the ladies and they come oozing up, but Kristen's proving a tougher nut to crack. They hang out together outside, and Hayden flirts with her using such sweet nothings as, "Why are you so weird?" She admits she has a shield, which makes me wonder how she ever got cast in the first place. She says she doesn't like cocky guys, and he says, "there's a fine line between confident and cocky," which means he's cocky. And to prove it, he says they need to avoid looking like a showmance. Okay then.

Monet and Britney watch Andrew's dorky workout, whispering about how gross he is. Britney DRs that Monet's the only person in the house she can stand. They sit and shit-talk everyone else in the back yard. And it looks like Britney's reserving her A-game for the DR, if you know what I mean.

Hayden has a talk with Rachel, hoping to protect himself, the Brigade, and "the hottie Kristen." That's a pretty lengthy agenda. Rachel actually thinks Hayden "saved" her, and asks Hayden who would put him up, like she needs to worry about that. Hayden names Britney, and admits that he's attracted to Kristen. Rachel proposes a double-showmance alliance of herself, Brendon, Hayden, and Kristen, and Hayden's like, "That wouldn't be good." Smooth. Good talk.

Matt approaches Rachel, claiming to be paranoid about being a target, which is a shtick he's trying. They talk about Andrew's reaction to Rachel's HoH win, but Matt takes it too far, claiming that people have been saying Andrew is in control. Well, Rachel wasn't thinking about nominating Matt before, but she sure is now. Aces, Matt. Brendon and Rachel canoodle in the HoH room and discuss Matt, about whom Brendon says anyone who acts that paranoid usually has something to hide. Well played, Matt. Keeping those Mensa dues up to date, are you?

Rachel announces the Have/Have-Not competition in an annoyingly hip-hop fashion. The back yard is decorated in cheesy graffiti, and as Rachel explains, the goal is for each team to tape one member to a horizontal "brick" wall. Then the wall will be tilted upright, and the team whose player stays up the longest wins. Oh, and they can use water guns to try to knock each other's players down. The blue team of Rachel, Lane, Kristen, and Ragan pick Ragan; Kathy volunteers for her orange team that also includes Matt, Hayden, and Andrew; while Britney's going up for the green team of Enzo, Brendon, and Monet. The winning team will pick the four Have-Nots for the week.

Taping begins. "I like being sticky and hot anyway," Ragan says as he's being attached to the wall. After ten minutes, up goes the wall. The other payers start squirting, and they concentrate their fire on Britney and Kathy because Ragan is so poorly secured. He peels loose after 33 minutes. After an hour, Britney's also starting to come lose, and she DRS about how pissed she was that people were shooting her in the face. She starts sinking in her tape harness, with several lengths of tape catching her under the chin so she's all but hanging from her throat. Which doesn't seem all that safe, really. Everyone has to come rip her loose before she gets strangled to death by the tape. As it is, her face is pretty blue when she comes down. Or maybe that's all the colored water she was getting sprayed with.

So since the orange team won by default, they have to pick the four people who will be the Have-Nots. And because they got lots of help from the blue team, they decide on the green team of Britney, Monet, Enzo, and Brendon. Britney is pretty pissed off about it, after what she went through. I'd be pretty nervous about being on any team with Britney, since this is the second competition she's had to pull out of for safety or injury reasons. Could she be that accident-prone? They come back in after the challenge, happy to see that they have fish sticks, except for Britney. That chick's mood just keeps getting fouler and fouler.

Saboteur message. The unidentifiable figure on the living-room TV says its latest sabotage will be its last, and then morphs into Annie. Everyone hoots like they knew it all along, but they consider it a clear victory that they got rid of the saboteur. Andrew is relieved that nobody can suspect him any more. Yes, Andrew, now people can concentrate on hating you for your annoying personality. Enzo says she couldn't get past the "Meow-Meow." Because that was his plan all along. It's hard to beat Enzo, because he'll claim victory anyway.

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