Big Brother

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
Don't Believe the Hype

Looking back, a surprising amount happened on Sunday's season premiere. The houseguests picked an HoH, Jerry, before they'd even officially met each other, then they had a food competition, then Renny and Jessie had the first argument over her acting like a noisy asshole in the middle of the night, then Jerry nominated Renny and Jessie for eviction. If the season keeps up this pace we might be done by this time next week.

A fancy new title sequence punctuates about five total minutes of previouslies, and we come up to speed in Day 2. Brian boasts in the DR about how he's in control of everything going on in the house. HoH Jerry insists this is all his plan. And Jessie's blaming Renny for getting the two of them nominated, so after the ceremony he spurns her attempts to commiserate with him. Which gets him called a punk by her. Jessie goes right to Jerry, while Renny's downstairs, immaturely bitching to everyone else about Jessie's alleged immaturity. And while Jessie's still up in the HoH room, Michelle heads up there to congratulate Jerry on his nominations. He's way ahead of her, going so far as to compare himself to King Solomon (while Jessie rolls his eyes).

When Jessie comes back down, Renny accuses him of acting like a baby. The two of them start sniping at each other -- or rather, Renny does the sniping and calling him immature some more, while he gets bored with her and walks away. Meanwhile, Brian drinks slyly from a tiny little cup like this is all his doing. Shut up, Brian's cup.

However, in the DR, Brian backs off from the claim that he's running the house, and will only say that things are going the way he wants. Dude, you're two days in. Don't be reaching for Dr. Will's stethoscope just yet.

Jerry invites everyone up to the HoH room to drink some wine, which is just a stellar idea. Renny sits alone, sucking down the red pretty quickly, and then decides to apologize to Jessie, grandstanding in front of everyone else in the process. He's kind of an ass about it to her, claiming that it took her a day and a half to say that (whereupon the editors play a flashback of Renny apologizing -- albeit insincerely -- at the time of the incident). Renny calls him a liar in front of everyone else and storms out of Jerry's HoH room.

Out on the porch, Brian runs a hypothetical past Ozzie and Michelle -- why not take the chance to get rid of Jessie and wait for Renny to self-destruct, as she inevitably will? He next lobbies Angie, informing her that he's running everyone, which Angie finds intimidating. Brian's next target is Steven, who's happy to make a deal with him. Then it's Memphis, who's less receptive, and so of course you know Brian's already looking around for a Memphis-shaped trapdoor. Brian is the all-powerful mastermind who successfully got the HoH to change half of his nominations, so you decline his overtures at your peril. Brian reports back to his alliance-mates, Dan and Ollie, that "I have enough votes to do whatever the fuck I want." Can not wait for this cocky ass to go down.

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Big Brother




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