Big Brother
And Then There Were Four

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
And Then There Were Four

Saturday. This is possibly the most boring episode of Big Brother yet. Seriously. I've been more interested in segments on the Home Shopping Network. I've been more interested in infomericals, for Pete's sake, especially that one with the infusion cookware and Florence Henderson and the chick who used to play Janet on All My Children, where apparently you can throw, like, raw frozen meat and uncooked pasta and tomatoes into a pot, and then leave for ten minutes and then when you come back, it's perfectly cooked lasagna? I'm always about two seconds away from buying that stuff, and then Janet will be all, "This set of infusion cookware can be yours for eight low monthly payments of $99," and then I do the math and angrily change the channel. That's more interesting than this episode.

Appropriately, we kick off with Hardly walking into the living room, scratching his balls. Then he goes and shakes Bunky's hand. A real class act, that Hardly.

Outside, Bunky and Will play basketball and talk about how screwed they are, now that Hardly's Head of Household again. Will's gotten a haircut, somehow, and it's very attractive. Will points out that every single time Hardly gets HoH, he nominates Will.

In the Big Blue Chair of Inching Toward Insanity, Nicole says that she has to make sure she wins HoH next week, so that she can "hold up [her] end of the bargain."

In the Big Blue Chair of Booooring!, Hardly talks about being Head of Household, and how hard it is and what a responsibility, and all the things that's happened while he was Head of Household in the past and then the sound of my own snoring wakes me up in time to hear him talk about each of his housemates, and the pros and cons of nominating each of them. Nicole is the Tina Wesson to his Colby Donaldson, so of course, he isn't going to nominate her. Bunky, on the other hand, "is a serious threat." As for It'sOnica, "If it's [It'sOnica] and [Hardly] in the final two, then something's gone horribly wrong with [Hardly's] plan. Heh." Yeah, you're not funny, Hardly. Moving along to someone who is, Hardly tells the camera that Will "is the court jester." Hardly says he's having a particularly difficult time with these nominations because he doesn't really dislike anyone anymore.

Next, the producers devote what feels like 'round-the-clock coverage to Will's hair. Long story short? Will's hair was really long. Now it's not. The only thing that prevents this segment from actually boring me to death is Will. Because, you know, he's funny and all. "Is it weird, having a boyfriend whose hair is a lot more beautiful than yours?" Will asks Shannon, in a flashback. Shannon smirks. In the now, Will muses that he'd like to have his own line of hair products. Dude, I would totally pick up some Evil Doctor Pump It Up! Volumizing Spray or Evil Doctor At Loose Ends Deep Conditioning Treatment at the beauty supply store. I would also happily be the copywriter for Evil Doctor, Inc. Anyway, pre-haircut, Will's hair is truly enormous. Nicole cuts it out on the patio. "I was sitting in the chair," Will says, "and I could hear Nicole sharpening the scissors behind me. I didn't know if she was going to start cutting my hair, or just stab them straight into my neck." Nicole manages to control herself, though, and does an excellent job with Will's new 'do. "Man, I like my haircut so much, I only wish I was on a TV show so everyone could see it," Will tells his reflection in the mirror.

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Big Brother




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