Battlestar Galactica
The Woman King

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | 4 USERS: C+
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The Helo Suit

On Colonial One, Zarek's begging Roslin not to hold a trial for Gaius Baltar. Because all women fall into two categories, Mean Mommy and Stupid Slut -- and since Roslin's too old to be a Stupid Slut, she gets to be a Mean Mommy -- Roslin is completely obnoxious and rude to him, in a patronizing singsong: "Gaius Baltar will be tried for high crimes and treason. A tribunal of judges will hear the evidence against him, a verdict will be read, he will be found guilty. And he will be finally held responsible for his actions. If you can summon up a little patience, as I have done, we will get through this ordeal." Zarek manages not to summon up a little slapping, which I would find difficult, and delivers a speech that is even longer and less musical: "Listen to me. Baltar will get his trial, and this is what you'll get: A hurricane. The media will descend on you and watch and scrutinize and question your every move. You will have sectarian violence. You will have assassination attempts. You will have civil unrest on a scale we've never seen. Work, labor, everyday routine in this Fleet will come to a complete halt. This trial is going to bring the entire Fleet down." I wish the President were a man, don't you? You'd never have to explain basic shit to her if she were a man.

Mean Mommy Tory explains that they have a security plan in order "which includes rapid Marine deployment, increased CAP operations, security details..." Zarek talks over her, because girls shouldn't speak unless spoken to, without even sparing her a glance: "-- A hurricane, Laura. If I were you, I'd declare martial law during the trial. You're gonna need a lot more than a little patience to survive." He shrugs; he's done all he can. The Zarek Suit leaves with a final virtuous "I'm here if you need me," and goes off, I assume to be anywhere but involved in the Sagittaron storyline, which until I guess today was his whole reason for existing, but no longer concerns him. Tory snorts the following stupid line of dialogue: "Your best friend, your worst enemy," and Roslin muses, making a thinky face: "I've never seen him like that. He was truly frightened." And if anything, that proves him right, because the Zarek Suit is never cowardly unless it's really important that you disbelieve him in order to prove him right, because of his manly discretion and that unflinching demeanor and scent of Old Spice that says he's swinging massive pipe, and because he's special in a secret way nobody understands.

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Battlestar Galactica

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