Battlestar Galactica
The Woman King

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: D | 4 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Helo Suit

Mrs. King somehow gets into the crew's quarters and knocks hella loud on the door of the Agathon home, waking up all three of them. Helo gets dressed -- aww -- and grabs his gun; Sharon tends to the baby. Mrs. King informs Helo about Dualla, again in the most ass-backward and unclear possible way of getting this info across: "Your friend, the soldier. Dualla. She's sick. She went to the doctor. She went to the doctor to... no, you listen to me. We lost two more tonight: Sagittarons, who let that murderer treat them. You have to do something." Sharon asks what the hell King's doing there, just as the Marines arrive to cart her off. "Frackin' refugees. I don't know how she snuck through. Morning, sir." I love the hate everybody has for civilians on this show, it's so hilarious and true to life. The Cally Tyrol inside the Sharon Suit goes "Whatevs" and heads back to sleep, but that won't do for the Helo Suit. He starts getting dressed, and Sharon's like, "Don't even think it." Mrs. King lies, when she cries! Helo's like, "It's Dualla, dude," and Sharon totally scoffs. "She has a husband." Who is flying CAP, Helo notes, but Sharon's not convinced. "She'll take her meds, she'll be fine." Sharon makes the Mean Girl Boomer eyes at him and lets him in on the hideous rumors about Helo and the Sagittarons, how he "might actually be listening to them." My GOD with the Helo Suit right now. Who is this lady pretending to be Sharon Agathon? Helo points out that "listening to the Sagittarons" is right now his entire job, which she knew like four hours ago, and Sharon underlines how they're dying due to not taking medicine even though they are sick. The Helo Suit grows to twice its normal size; people in quarters five floors away start thinking about shitty stuff they can do to make Helo look even more awesome and put-upon.

"You want me to look the other way, is that it? Is that it? Our daughter's fine, that's all that matters?" Um, no? Even in the logic of this stupid story that's stupid. The reason everybody is against you, Helo, is not because they are horrible, but because what you are saying is CRAZY, and the reason for that is because this episode is STUPID. I mean, there's a whole blinders thing here about how if it weren't Sagittarons maybe people would be more willing to listen, and how if he weren't in the doghouse for killing those Prisoners Of War that Bill and Laura were about to use as bioweapons, which is also stupid because Angeli's the only person still following that narrative thread, so it's like there's a secret BSG that only he's watching, when the real reality is that more recently than his stupid episode, Helo SHOT HIS WIFE AND KILLED HER, which frankly trumps "my job sucks and I am a virtuous martyr" as a reason for tension in the Agathon home right now. She tells him that's stupid, and he gets just vicious: "Or is it because as long as everyone hates the Sagittarons they'll forget you're a Cylon for five minutes?" Sharon stands up so fast you'd think she was a robot, and tells him quote to "shut the frack up." "Yeah, I want you to look the other way. I have to fight every single day on this ship to be accepted..." which again: only pisses her off in Angeli episodes. Do you see what I'm saying here? Helo bitches about how this has nothing to do with her, except for how his horrible attitude is pointing right at her, and turns it around to how it's all about him, which is also not true at all. "You think that's who I am? That's what I've become, that's my defining characteristic? The guy married to a Cylon?" Wow, did that come out of nowhere or what? I hate this episode so much. This is like trying to walk around if you only had bones and no connective tissue. People yelling shit like this, for an entire hour. He grabs his gun and I swear to you he says, "This guy's dirty. I think he's a liar, and I think he's killing people because he's a racist son of a bitch." In case you weren't paying attention.

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Battlestar Galactica

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