You're All I Overthink About

Episode Report Card
Djb: D+ | Grade It Now!
The Biorhythm Method

Previously on The Bachelorette: Nearly four full minutes of previouslys that show all four episodes, in their entirety, in rapid succession. Actually, sort of not really that. Instead, something else. What's another word for "not that rapid"?

Space Needle! Space Needle from the ground! Space Needle from space! Space Needle in repose! Bride of Space Needle! Space Needle Goes to Monte Carlo! As the French would say...Le Needle Du Space! Such are the establishing shots of (what's this town called again? Space Needlesville?) Seattle, where we find ourselves at the beginning of this week's episode. As we take a final helicopter panorama around the (natch) Space Needle, you can just barely make out the Seattle city legislature angrily meeting to protest this garish misuse of their Reality Show Product-Placement Budget, scribing a strongly worded letter to Mike Fleiss which includes the statement, "There are many other fine buildings in our fair city that you may see fit to capture on film as well. The Space Needle Museum, for example." They're called establishing shots. We're established. Move on.

A small aircraft of some kind heads straight toward the waters of Space Needle Harbor (look out, plane! Oh, wait, Trista's in there? Then steady on into the sea, boys!), and we cut inside said craft to find Trista "Ms." Rehn "If You're Nasty" telling us, "Today I am flying to Seattle to meet up with Ryan." Meanwhile, back down on earth, Rhymin' stands on a dock wearing a gray shirt, a blue long-sleeved shirt underneath it, a pair of khakis, sunglasses, and his heart on his sleeve. The plane hits the water and pulls up to The Space Needle Heliport, Trista continuing in a voice-over, "I was really excited to see him waiting for me on the dock. The butterflies started brewing in my belly." When she says this, Trista once again employs the onerous use of baby talk at its most annoying. Seriously. I rate its sheer annoyance level at four pacifiers out if a possible four. As she steps off the float plane and into Rhymin's arms, his interview admits, "Trista is such an amazing girl to me, and I would like nothing more in the world than to be able to somehow steal her away and not tell anyone where we're going." Rhymin's lack of command over the English language really does leave him with an inadvertent flair for the dramatic, doesn't it? And when you meet a girl who doesn't insist on being followed around by an entourage of video cameras to capture and legitimize her every movement, utterance, and tear (because you don't even know how hard this process has been for her, y'all), that's actually a luxury you get to exercise whenever you want.

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