Bachelorette

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Bros Before Hos and Common Sense

You know, I could have sworn that I planned my vacation so that The Bachelorette would be over by the time I got back. I'll have to make sure to get that right on that for next time.

But this surely is the season finale, right? Thank god. I can't wait for this show to be over. Wait, what's that say? "The Men Tell All"? Oh, god. Oh, GOD. What do you suppose the over/under is for how many times Jillian says "him and I" tonight? It's gotta be around 200.

Chris Harrison comes out to raucous applause and says this is a "special edition" of The Men Tell All. He talks about the "vivacious" Jillian and all the shocking twists and turns the story has taken. He mentions "the country singer," which draws some boos from the audience, this crowd who normally applauds everything.

So then we go right to a canned interview with Jillian in which it looks like she's going to rehash the entire season. They talk about Tanner P, and Jillian claims to have known about the foot fetish right away, and says she didn't care. "I adore him, and I will fight for him to the bitter end," she says. Given that she booted him off the show weeks ago, what does that even mean?

Then we revisit drunk, rageaholic David, and Jillian says he was really disrespectful and she hopes he sees that and learns from it. I'll start holding my breath now. She says she's almost thirty and has seen a lot of behavior like that in her life, like maybe Jillian's love life is even sadder than we thought.

And then she babbles about Ed leaving, and then coming back, and how she couldn't focus on him, and part of her wanted to reject him, but she just wanted to curl up on his lap and kiss him. She says she knew she should have "made it harder" on him, and there is so much about her relationship with Ed so far that should have been harder, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do.

Oh, and Kiptyn won a big piece of her heart after the rope date, which was lucky, given that he was in the final three at the time.

Chris asks her why Wes stayed around so long, and asks what she saw in him that no one else did. She makes herself like an idiot when she babbles about how she always loves the country singer with tattoos who sits around the fire and drinks beer. "There were so many red flags," says Chris, who acknowledges that the audience got to see more than she did. "I fell for his song, OK? I'm sorry," she says. You really should be, given such a corny cliche-ridden song it is. She mentions how she always wanted to marry the "honky-tonk" singer, like I don't think I know anyone who has ever used the word "honky-tonk" ever.

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Bachelorette

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