Bachelorette

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Get Him a Body Bag!

Ryan calls her on her hypocrisy for babbling on about how, on the one hand, she loved how laid-back Jesse was, yet some of the guys who weren't OCD -- "obsessive-compulsive-DeAnna like my man Jeremy" -- came in for some criticism, because they weren't all about DeAnna the way she was all about Brad when she was on The Bachelor. DeAnna backpedals faster than a Tour de France competitor after seeing a drug tester. "It has nothing to do with the way I was with Brad," says DeAnna. Yeah, Ryan. What could possibly have ever given you the idea that DeAnna's relationship with Brad had anything to do with anything?

Before a murder is committed, Harrison interrupts to show a "good times" montage, which means "bloopers," mainly of DeAnna unable to conquer the English language: "I did felt that," and the like. I don't see any reason why, at two hours per episode, the show can't fit these clips in -- god forbid the audience doesn't take the show as grimly serious as the show takes itself. Harrison wins a thousand points from me by asking DeAnna about Sean's mullet and using the phrase, "Business in front, party in back." Then he wins a MILLION points from me for asking if Sean fought at the Cobra Kai dojo. Put this stuff in the actual show, you idiots! Harrison, I take back everything mean I said about you!

So, DeAnna's not going to reveal who the final guy is, but Harrison asks her: "Are you happy? Are you in love?" Yes on both counts, says DeAnna. "And I am engaged." You'll have to tune in next week to find out to whom. And then we don't have to tune in any more!

Remember how obvious it was that the woman who asked Graham about his letter to DeAnna was planted? As cute as it was, the show kinda admitted to that when Harrison gave the exact same intro, about how the audience members have lots of questions, and one woman asked Fred out for a date. He says yes. Well, why not? Try dating without a television crew in your face! It just might work!

To see the first part of tonight's two-parter, click here. Then talk about this episode in our forums, or to see what other summer shows will be starting up soon, check out our Summer of Love and Hate!

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Bachelorette

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