Bachelorette
Season 9, Episode 5

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 1 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Bavarian Brouhaha

They get on their bathing suits and bathrobes, Mikey wearing the bathrobe sash on his head like a headband.

But it turns out this is another one of Desiree's classic pranks, which was unfortunately telegraphed by the talking-head quotes from the guys where they're saying odd things like, "I'm really hoping we don't have to do this." And no they're not doing it, but instead they're getting in a "hot tug," which is a hot-tub boat, which is a fine place for blather about relationships. Here's Ben mentioning his son, and Michael telling us Ben is an "absentee father" and, like I said, now complaining about Ben talking about his son because it's self-serving. You know what a hot tug is not ideal for? Actually listening to a conversation, considering the sound of the motor overpowers everything else. But it's pretty easy to hear Michael pointedly talking about how important it is for a father to be around, and Desiree, despite this being EXACTLY what she said she wanted it, finds it uncomfortable. Ben tells us he was finding it difficult to be "a good Christian, a good man."

And now we start laying the groundwork for the central drama promised in this episode: Drew talking to Brooks, Kasey and Chris about a conversation he and Kasey overheard between James and Mikey, in which they were talking about how they were going to be living it up once they got back to Chicago, and James talking about how he runs Chicago and after being on the show everyone will know who he is, and he and Mikey are going to take Mikey's boat out and have sex with tall, good-looking women with lots of money. All four of them do pearl-clutching over the guys not being there for the right reasons, and they don't want Desiree to lose faith in the good guys who are here.

Anyway, the date has progressed to dinner, with Michael promising to keep his pledge and have Desiree's back and defend her honor. They've barely started eating when Michael stammers out a weird question about why he doesn't get along with everybody in the house, and Ben says he does get along, but the main thing is to be there for Desiree, and even Michael is surprised when Desiree politely suggests he back off.

Instead, she asks what sort of family traditions they want to start or continue for their own families, and Ben says Sunday is family day, and he wants to go to church every Sunday. Michael: "What about Easter, Ben? You didn't go to church on Easter." Is he drunk? Ben says it was a Catholic service in German, and Michael petulantly points out other guys of other faiths went. Ben says it was his first Easter away from his son, and Michael says he didn't even talk to his son on Easter. After a long few moments, Ben excuses himself to go outside and cool down. Desiree gives Michael a look and tells him he doesn't have to do that. "I'm trying to show you the way he portrays himself," Michael tells her.

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