Season 9, Episode 4

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 1 USERS: F
Manmade Disaster Meets Natural Disaster

Chris Harrison comes to visit the thirteen remaining hostages, probably around the time they've finished shooting the ransom videos with that day's newspapers. He explains to them for some reason that they are still there because they are the ones Desiree sees the most potential with. Yeah, that would be how it works, Harrison. He's also there to explain, once again, how dates work. And the final piece of news is that they're going to Atlantic City. Ben for some reason thinks this will help him get to know Desiree on a whole new level. The Atlantic City level?

We watch Desiree stroll around the boardwalk. Look contemplative, Desiree! Look exuberant! Look whimsical! The men fly in and describe Atlantic City as "like Vegas but on the ocean" and Drew explains that travelling with the person you care about takes romance to the next level. I hate to have to point this out to Drew, but he traveled with the men, not with Desiree.

There's a one-on-one date card waiting for the men once they've finishing their orgasms upon seeing their hotel room. It's for Brad: "Let our love shine through." He wants to show Desiree who he is, and he leaves to go put on his face. Zak W. says Brad is the quietest guy in the house, and has a kid, which is a "sympathetic situation," according to massive idiot Zak, who has confidence that if Desiree doesn't think Brad is right for her she'll end it, which is big of him. And now Mikey is referring to another grown man as "kid," but it's kind of funny to listen to him bloviate on how he doesn't know how Brad will bring out Desiree's fun side, when it's cut with shots of the two of them having a blast playing carnival games and eating saltwater taffy and chocolate. "A girl knows her chocolate!" chirps Desiree, and so these two idiots interrupt some people with actual jobs on the chocolate assembly line and get their hands all over everything and aren't wearing hair nets.

Meanwhile, some of the assholes (mainly Zak W.) are NOT AT ALL CREEPILY peering at the boardwalk and trying to see the couple. Zak characterizes his stalking as "why I care so much," which is the stuff restraining orders are made of. Hard to believe this catch is single!

Brad and Desiree head for the beach, on a sandbed nestled in a big sandcastle-type structure because it's time for a banal conversation about what the other is looking for. Brad says when you have a son, you look for a good mom. Do you? Desiree seems to think Brad leaving his son behind to compete with two-dozen other guys for the right to have a brief, tabloid-only relationship on a reality-show makes him a good dad.

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