Bachelorette
Season 9, Episode 11: The Finale, Part 2

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C- | 64 USERS: C
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The Last Man Kneeling

Des wears a coral dress for her family date, Chris wears sweatpants. Seriously, those are sweatpants. Chris is nervous to meet Des's brother, and her parents I guess. I hope her brother spoils that Chris is the only one left. Chris answers all the questions with grace and charms Des's secretly-poor family. At least Des's brother gets his moment in the sun. Maybe he could get a blog out of this. No one asks Chris why he's wearing sweatpants to meet them.

Chris tells Des's father that he wants to propose and he's feeling very confident. He asks for permission to ask Des to marry him and Des's dad is like "yeah, OK." After Chris leaves, Des sits down with her brother and half-assedly tells him that she is ready to commit to Chris. He's not buying it, but he likes Chris so WTFE!

Oh, but not WTFE. Her brother (Nate?) asks Des how she feels about Brooks leaving and if she's OK. Two days later, she says that yes she is OK. But I'm proud of her brother for casting a shadow of doubt on her heart. This whole thing is just stupid, frankly.

Chris Harrison is seated in a very important chair and introduces the final day in Antigua (that I thought was pronounced an-TI-gwa). Finally, we get to see Neil Lane, the king of blood diamonds. No sign of Brooks yet. Chris chooses a big old rock, surrounded by other giant rocks. Des floats out to the viewpoint where she will settle for a pretty great guy. This whole thing is a damn charade.

Des says that Chris needs to know how she felt about Brooks, so she needs to tell him, like right before he proposes. I don't think it will affect things for Chris in the slightest. They meet and wait for each other to talk. Neither is a poet in this moment. Des just stands there while Chris makes his proposal speech. Just before Chris kneels down, Des stops him to explain what has been going on for her the last week.

She starts by saying she dumped Drew earlier, which makes Chris smile. Then she just straight up lies saying she was always torn between Brooks and Chris. She says she was so blindsided by her feelings for Brooks that she couldn't see that the one thing she always needed was right in front of her. Hey, he'll take it! He proposes, she says yes ("a thousand times yes"), and seriously, just fuck this show. Two beautiful people getting engaged has never made me so angry before.

They're so boring and lame, this Chris and Des montage reveals, they really belong together. Des gives Chris the final rose and they're like, "yay we're going to be together forever! Once we get over some pretty serious Brooks-related issues!" Best of luck to them. They're attractive, I'm sure they'll be fine.

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