Season 9, Episode 11: The Finale, Part 2

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C- | 64 USERS: C
The Last Man Kneeling

"Today went so amazing and for it to change so drastically is hard to accept but sometimes life is hard to accept and I'm really happy it went well and I made the right decision to continue on and not give up on love," Des says stupidly that evening. Chris probably wrote her another awful poem. He delivers a speech about how he loves her and he's there for her and he can't wait to see what the future brings. I hope the future brings Brooks coming back all unsure and gumming up the works.

And how is Chris going to feel when he sees last week's episode and all the things Des told Brooks? Ah, forget it, we're not supposed to think about life outside of the show. Chris and Des talk about how they never move backward and can always pick up where they left off. They have such a casual time with each other, why not get engaged? Chris asks to meet Des's family (including her brother, I hope!) and Des obliges because she sees "a lifetime possibility."

Chris, that fucking chode, got Des a journal just like Zak did. Is it the same one? Why are journals all of a sudden better than jewelry? That is just not true. Oh god, and he put all his stupid poems in the back, so she can't return it. This is stupid. I do not accept that this is how shit's going down.

Des basks in how lucky she feels to be the one receiving Chris's love. She breaks down and says she has never felt like anyone loved her as much as she loved them and maybe that's why she was struggling before to feel so loved without any withholding. Now she feels guilty, as she should, for not loving him from the beginning. They're cute together, whatever. Bring out Neil Lane already.

Bachelor Nation applauds fervently for one less lonely girl. Live the dream for us, Des! To kill time before this inevitable engagement, Chris Harrison trots out "Des's friends" Jackie, Leslie, and Lindsay from last season, plus Sean and Catherine. This couldn't wait for ATFR? Sean and Catherine are still in love; good for them. Sean says that if Catherine had bowed out in the final three he would have packed his bags and gone home, which is very easy for him to say now that ABC doesn't own every last one of his choices. Is that a disparaging comment toward Des and Chris? Catherine says that if she were Chris and found out how Des felt about Brooks, it would be difficult to continue. Those smug assholes.

Jackie says she was convinced Brooks was the final pick, but hey, maybe Des had a change of heart … Jackie isn't holding any punches. They all think that Chris seems nice enough so if that's what Des wants to settle for, good for her. I like that Chris Harrison asked Leslie if she thought maybe Des was rebounding. It's all a big waste of time. For me, ideally, no one would be happy and everyone would be as miserable and lonely as me.

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