Bachelorette
Season 8, Episode 9

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You Don't Have to Go Home, but You Can't Stay Here

And now we are talking about things that his family told her. But it's not anything interesting like "He is a classically trained pianist" or "He is a werewolf" or anything, but how he used to have a girlfriend who wanted to get married and he didn't want to, or something fucking stupid like that. They have a talk about feelings and hiding feelings, and Sean admits to holding back on his feelings and all, but reminds her that he's told her he's crazy about her. Well, we still haven't seen him running around Curacao yelling "Emily!" yet, so how are we supposed to know how he really feels? Sean's going home tonight.

Instead of saying, "I love you," Sean wants to go snorkeling. Shut up, Emily, he can say "I love you" any damn time. Still, she's not giving up! She thinks she can wrangle it out of him at dinner tonight.

And then their dinner is the same stupid shit about how Emily has difficulty reading him. It could be the same damn conversation, it's just darker out. He tells her that he doesn't want her to worry about how his life will fit in. He says "your life" so she quickly says "It's not just me, it's Ricky and I's," but I'd like to point out that "your" works as the second-person plural so it's a little self-centered to assume he was only talking about her, plus, for the love of everything holy, "I's" is not a word!

Sean reads a letter to Ricki that doesn't make me roll my eyes for an hour straight AT ALL or anything, and now he is talking about how he can't stop thinking about her and he can't imagine being without her, and all those things are very nice but she's not going anywhere until he finally says "I'm falling in love with you" and in case you were wondering if Sean has a shadow of a doubt? He does NOT have a shadow of a doubt.

And now she is giving him the Chris Harrison pimp card, and Sean accepts, carefully saying he would love to stay up and talk to her and she agrees that she wants to spend every minute with him and nothing more. OK, we get it, you're not going to have sex. WINK. Well, in this case it's probably true, because Emily's in love with Arie and "Jef" is probably just going to want to play PS3 all night long.

And now they are in a hot tub making out, and Emily tells us that Sean is so hot and so manly, so every fiber in her heart and (probably) boobs tells her to stay the night, but her head says no.

And then she is kissing Sean goodnight, and her reasoning is that she's a mom, and it would go against everything she believes in -- she's against premarital sex now? -- and she wants to set a good example for her daughter, which is weird to hear from something who decided to come on The Bachelorette.

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