Season 8, Episode 8

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
The Old Prince Still Lives At Home

"Jef" then sits down with Steve, who lifts a quizzical eyebrow at the way his brother is apparently suddenly OK with being a father figure, despite not ever having expressed that sort of desire in the past. "Jef" is basically "Do too!"

Then Emily and "Jef" sneak off so "Jef" can write down all the things he loves about Emily, which he wrote on the plane back from Prague. I kinda wish Ryan had thought to do that, because at least he would have used phrases like "slammin' ass" and "wicked cans." She glows the way she only does when she is being told how amazing she is. She says it's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her, and I think she may have just been remote-inseminated.

To Scottsdale now, where she'll be seeing Arie. What she has with Arie is awesome, you guys! She meets him at the Phoenix International Raceway, and of course she has to stand there and watch Arie go around the track before he can bothered to meet her. She says he looked "stupid hot" and she is obviously only half-right. And then she gets in the car and goes for a ride and it's boring and pointless and I'd just like to point out that I seem to recall racetracks being too much for Emily to handle when she was on Brad's season, but this time around it's sweet of Arie to share this world with her again. Or something.

Anyway, Arie's not kidding around with this racing stuff: his dad won the Indianapolis 500 twice. I guess Arie told her his parents aren't like other parents, and I suppose that is technically true. My dad has won barely ANY Indy 500 championships, for example.

There seems to be some concern over whether his parents will like her, which is a bummer because Arie is one of her favorite guys. Well, as long as she explains to Arie's parents that Arie is one of her four favorite boyfriends, how can they not love her? He advises her to be herself. He loves her, therefore they will, is his theory.

Arie's parents are Dutch, and his mom busts out the language while they're sitting around having cocktails, which is rude, but at the same time, I don't mind seeing Emily dealing with a family that isn't necessarily kissing her ass from the moment she walks in the door. Arie eventually puts a stop to it, at which point his mom pulls Emily aside for a chat, where her main question is, basically, "You and Brad: What happened?"

Emily speaks in bachelorette-ese, which means she babbles vaguely about not asking the questions she should have, I think. The only reasonable conclusion Arie's mom is going to be able to draw is that Emily appears to have suffered repeated blows to the head. Then they share some racing-car-wife bonding.

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