Bachelorette
Season 8, Episode 8

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The Old Prince Still Lives At Home

Chris's father, John, takes Emily aside for a chat. He doesn't want to see his son heartbroken, which I presume is because they all know what a hair trigger he's on. Emily talks to John about her daughter, and asks him if he thinks Chris would be ready for that. John says he will do his best, like the father is going to undercut his son on this show. "Basically, my son is awesome, so if you're not looking for something awesome, Chris isn't for you," he says. Just once, I'd like to see the father hit on the Bachelorette. Just once!

Chris has a conversation with his mom, and he refers to himself as a "hot mess" which means I'm just going to skip ahead to the next scene. Chris's mom, Rose, gets a little teary-eyed as she tells him she loves him very much.

And now Emily is telling with sister Renee, who has the traditional "He could be heartbroken, so if he's not the one, cut him loose sooner rather than later." I hear ya, Renee, but since that's the whole POINT OF THE SHOW, I wouldn't worry about it.

Eventually, the evening ends, and Chris tells Emily that she makes him feel "crazy good" and he's not just falling in love with her, but in love with her, and they kiss. Unfortunately, the evening isn't over: apparently, Illinois' entire Polish community gathers on the back deck for dancing and singing, while Chris is already mentally compiling a list of possible venues for their wedding.

Next up, St. George, Utah, at "Jef"'s family's ranch, the Holmstead Ranch. She sounds annoyed that he didn't tell her how rich his family appears to be, or something. They go for a ride in a dune buggy. "He's a little more country than he wants people to know," she says. Because nothing says country like riding around in your rich-boy dune buggy, product keeping your hair completely immobile, before skeet shooting. He's just like the Marlboro Man. And then Emily nails the skeets, with both a shotgun and a handgun, and we learn she takes gun lessons at home. Each seems aroused by the other's prowess with a gun.

Then they sit on hay bales while "Jef" outlines the hundred or so siblings he seems to have. His parents aren't going to be there, because they are doing "charity work," and I'm a little creeped out by the fact this show doesn't appear to want anyone to say "Mormon mission."

So Emily meets the whole gang, and Emily explains that all these people are related to "Jef." I would like to thank Emily for explaining to us that "Jef"'s family are all related to him. She's really nervous, because the last time "Jef"'s family didn't like his girlfriend, he broke up with her. She seems to feel like that's a lot of "pressure," whether I would argue it's more like "bullshit on 'Jef''s part." Emily sits down with brother Steve, one on one, and then with "Jef"'s three sisters. The sisters hem and haw when Emily asks if they think "Jef" would be ready to be a father, but at least the women want to know who's moving where if she and "Jef" wind up together. Emily's responses are, in the main, vague and non-committal. All of the sisters seem to like her, and we continue the season-long theme of people judging Emily to be an amazing mom on the basis of nothing more than a five-minute conversation.

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