Season 8, Episode 8

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
The Old Prince Still Lives At Home

A limo takes Emily home so she can have a completely sweet, spontaneous reunion with her daughter, just one that there are multiple cameras filming and people off-camera who Emily checks with, presumably to make sure they got the shots they needed. There's something different about Emily in the talking-head interviews we see with her (we saw a couple of them last week too). I don't know what it is. A change in her makeup, maybe? Her eyes don't look quite so dark.

She rehashes the duds who are still left in the competition. It's ridiculously boring, and really only notable because she tries to tell us that "Jef" has a bit of an edge. Edge? He's safe as milk. Oh, wait! Arie also has "that bad-boy edge." There's also Sean. We led off with Chris, and I forgot to mention him, but maybe that's because we already know Chris is going to be on Bachelor Pad this summer -- which apparently I will be recapping, although I think Amnesty International may be intervening on my behalf -- so can we safely ignore Chris, since that obviously means he's not winning?

Speaking of Chris, we are now in Chicago, where Chris is standing around waiting for Emily to show up. He looks awfully twitchy. Anyone observing him would think he's about twenty seconds away from pulling out an automatic weapon and firing indiscriminately at bystanders.

So they wander around Chicago for a little while, as Emily burbles about how happy it made her when Chris said he's falling for her, and Chris makes assumptions that Emily will uproot her daughter to come live in Chicago with his Polish family. So they sit down and drink beers and make awkward small talk, with the purpose of getting their relationship back on track, at least for the next two hours. Two hours, incidentally, is how long their conversation seems to take. Here is their conversation:

CHRIS: I was all like a dick and I'm sorry I was all like, you know? At the Rose Ceremony? And that was all like tense and whatever.

EMILY: You will be fine, provided you continue to act like a tongue-tied lobotomy case as long as it is in service to singing praises to my beauty.

Chris talks about his family, and Emily's looking forward to meeting them. Dinner will be primarily regurgitated worms.

So they go to Chris's family aerie, which is in Hanover Park, and he thinks his family will be pumped to meet the future daughter-in-law. Chris's family is sweet and kind, as families generally are when they appear on this shitshow, although I think Chris's mom overdoes it when she says it's an "honour" to have Emily over.

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