Season 8, Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
With a Little Help from Her 'Friends'

And then there's Travis, who has finally realized that carrying the stupid egg around makes him look stupid, so he takes Emily outside and explains -- I'll paraphrase -- that her friends laughing at his goddamn egg has convinced him it's time to get rid of it. I think permanent damage to his chances has already been done, but Emily takes the egg in both heads and smashes it on the front walk. Right now I'd like to point out that in every case tonight where they teased the smashing of the egg, it was edited to look like it was done out of anger, which turns out to have not been the case. A couple of the other guys come to the door to mourn the loss of Shelly, and then inside the guys all toast the death of the egg.

Emily sits down with some guy who needs a haircut (can't remember his name) and asks how he'd feel about being a dad, and he stammers out an incoherent jumble of words and concepts, the goal of which is to be utterly noncommittal but still appearing up for it. He uses the word "compromise," which Emily seizes on, even though nothing he's saying makes any kind of sense. Example: "The compromise would be me as a dad, as achieved in a family." I defy anyone to make sense of it, but Emily wonders why he wouldn't see it as an honor. He talks about marriage as a compromise, and as he talks -- and GOD, Emily, English clearly isn't his first language -- it seems clear to me that he means it in the sense of sacrifice, as a selfless concept. He even brings up the language barrier, but then appears to say he's confident he's expressing himself correctly.

Emily says her conversation with Alessandro (THERE we go) was one of the most bizarre conversations she's had. Despite his honesty, she says, she's not sure she can see herself spending the rest of her life with him. So, to sum up: You can tell Emily not to get fat, you can tell her to keep quiet while you're talking. Just don't dare tell her marriage involves compromise. Because people only want honesty when you're saying something they agree with. I am suddenly dreading the rose ceremony tonight.

And, sure enough, when we come back from commercial, Emily leads Alessandro out the door to waiting vehicle. He seems sanguine about his exit, and seems a little nonplussed that Emily doesn't understand how his giving up his "gypsy king" lifestyle isn't a compromise, but he still feels like it sucks.

Emily is still going on about how disrespectful it was for Alessandro not to be groveling at her feet for the chance to raise Ricki with her. She consoles herself in a hug and a makeout session with Arie, which surprises Ryan and his studiously windblown hair. Then she moves on to Sean and orders her to flatter her for a moment. To be fair, not everyone tonight has sufficiently made her feel the sun shines out of her ass. Sean steps up and, while wisely explaining he doesn't want to get ahead of himself, says if they were to get married, Ricki would be his daughter. This is exactly what Emily wants to hear, so she starts sucking face with Sean too. Again I am struck by the cognitive dissonance required to see behavior that would end any normal relationship (e.g. making out with more than one person at a cocktail party) is treated as romantic on this show.

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