Season 8, Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
With a Little Help from Her 'Friends'

Emily tells us she's still trying to figure Ryan out. I can understand her confusion. On the one hand, he says he wouldn't be OK if she got fat and he sure wouldn't fuck her as much, but on the other hand, WHAT THE HELL, EMILY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM TO PACK HIS BAGS RIGHT THERE.

After he leaves, Emily asks her friends who they'd pick for her. The answers: "Sean." "Doug or Ryan." Her super-protective friend says she'd pick a guy who not thirty seconds ago warned her not to get fat. "Doug." "Sean or Doug." Emily says her friends did an unbelievable job. I agree with her, in the strictest dictionary definition sense of the word "unbelievable."

Then she dismisses her friends because it's time to see for herself who else might say something romantic like "Don't get fat and lazy," and Ryan says he's confident he's getting a rose. Wendy jokes about having to go back to their boring mom lives. Hey, Emily's just like you guys! She's just on television all the time. Think about how hard it must be to put her career planning children's hospital events on hold!

It's off for dinner at a place called "Butter," where Emily tells them it was great to get to know them all better and how wonderful they all are. And now it's time to get to know them EVEN MORE BETTER, I guess. She tells us that Sean and Doug stood out the most, so she's excited to spend time with them.

We watch her sit down with Sean first, and they talk about how selective/picky he is, which he explains as how he won't settle for anything but the best. He says his dad is still in love with his mom, which Emily deems "so cute" like Sean's parents' marriage is an adorable puppy. She seems distracted, but it could be that she's having difficulty making eye contact, due to the glare shining off his unusually sweaty face.

Then Doug tells her that her friends reminded him of his buddies' wives, and it was great to see her "real side," whatever that means. Then he tells her about his parents: his dad has epilepsy, and he married the first girl he ever dated, but she wasn't a very good person. Since he tells us that, I was a little surprised to find out, as he continues, that it's his mom he's talking about. Seems she left Doug's dad after Doug and his sister were born, and his dad raised them both -- until he died, having eschewing medical care in favor of groceries. He and his sister were raised in foster homes. I'm not so much of a cynic to think he's exploiting this for sympathy -- if that's his childhood, it was what it was, and he stops her from getting too pity-party on him. It's tough for Emily when she can't describe something as "so cute," I imagine.

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