Season 8, Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
With a Little Help from Her 'Friends'

Chris Harrison shows up to take Emily away for some decision-making. How many more guys are going to be eliminated? We've already lost one because he had his own son on his mind more than Emily, and one because he doesn't speak English well enough. Fun times tonight.

So let's get this over with. Harrison lies to us for a few moments about what a great week of dates it has been, and then it's on to the ceremony. Chris, Sean and Arie already have roses, and there's only going to be one more person eliminated. So you're thinking that she has to keep either the "don't get fat" or the "shut up when I talk" guy. She comes out and says she knows that tonight was especially hard. Huh? It seems that the only person tonight was hard for was Alessandro, and booting him made everyone's chances that much better.

Listing the names of the guys who get roses tonight is too depressing because that list includes both Kalon and Ryan, and the only person eliminated is utter non-entity Stevie. I mean, there are a bunch of names and faces here I still don't recognize, but we've got to drag this out for a few more weeks, right? It comes down to Stevie or Nate, and Nate is taller. So Nate it is.

Stevie tells us it sucks and it hurts, and we can only hope that he's not going to be too bummed to get back to his party emceeing. "Coming up: another song from the Cure's Disintegration!"

Ryan is now boasting about his connection with Emily and how he and Arie are very different, because Arie is a very dainty man, while he's more of a physical guy, so I guess he hasn't realized that when a guy feels the need to talk about what a stud he is versus how girly another man is -- well, it often means he has feelings that he finds confusing and terrifying. It does take some self-unawareness to call someone else dainty while display such high levels of hair arranging and facial hair sculpting, I will say that. He sees Arie as a threat. We don't hear Arie's position on things. Arie's job is to drive fast cars, not put his hands on half-naked athletes, so I don't get the sense he needs to talk about what a manly man he is.

Next week: Bermuda! Also, hopefully, more drama than this week.

Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. The danger of ever considering The Bachelorette a viable option is as good a reason as any to stay married forever. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at

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