Bachelorette
Season 7: After the Rose

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After the Rose

After the commercial, the awkwardness has been dialed down to normal reality show levels now that Ben has left the stage to go pass out his phone number to whatever girl wants to rebound with him. Chris asks Ashley how it was seeing Ben again, but she said she knew he would be a gentleman and he was. Chris wants more, though, and he reminds her that Ben was angry and she was upset. Ashley nods, but she really just wants to talk about J.P., because, "Chris, he's a really good kisser." Chris isn't quite sure what to say about that, because he can't admit that he makes out with each and every contestant so instead he says he is glad to see the smile on her face and the rock on her finger. I can't believe he missed the opportunity to say "the Neil Lane " rock on her finger. Lost opportunity!

Then we get an extremely long ad for a show called "Take the Money and Run," which I will not watch.

We return from the break with the promise of seeing J.P. and Ashley together at last on stage. Yay? We just saw them together during the 8-10 PM hours. By the way, it is clear the editors cut out a lot of Ashley's real life perkiness, because on this show she is really disturbingly unsettlingly perky. Like, dial down the dosage of whatever it you're on sweetheart, because you're disrupting the neighbors. Chris introduces J.P. as Ashley's fiancé and he comes out and kisses her. Chris wants to know how hard it has been to be apart from the woman he loves. He says it has been nothing like anything he's ever been through. He's been leading a double life. He claims he is so so so in love with Ashley and she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. The audience gets some group "awwwwwwwwwwws" out and then Chris asks J.P. what it has been like not being able to defend Ashley against the vicious tabloid rumors? He says it's been super hard. Um, has anyone seen any of these vicious tabloid rumors? I've been looking but the only things I can find say Ashley cries all the damn time and is hung up on Bentleeeeeeeeee, but that's neither untrue nor a secret.

Then we get to watch their engagement. Again. Just in case we sniffed a whole bunch of White Out during the commercial and forgot everything we watched 20 minutes ago. Chris asks J.P. to "break down the game tape" and J.P. is all, "I nailed it." Ugh, save it for the man cave guys. Then Chris asks J.P. about Chrystie's slap down. J.P. doesn't get it and probably never will. Harrison gets Chrystie on stage to talk about her sister's fiancé. Chrystie backpedals faster than a bear on a bicycle. She claims she was just trying to protect her little sister and J.P. gets that. Chrystie claims Ben just seemed like a more natural fit, but before you think she's all Team Ben (she's totally Team Ben) you can tell she's been coached and apologizes profusely for her quick judgment. Now that she has seen the entire season she knows that J.P. was the one all along. She's Team J.P.! He's family and she's going to make him babysit her kids! Maybe right now!

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Bachelorette

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