Bachelorette
One On One's So Slow

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Lanny, Get Your Gun

But tonight, let us not speak of such fractious things. This recapper is a uniter, not a divider. They cuddle on the couch and enjoy some Hershey's Kisses because, I'm sure, the checkout guy at Trader Joe's told Lanny chocolate was, like, a totally kick-ass aphrodisiac. "Who knew?" Meredith voices over. "All of a sudden, here comes Lanny." Pause. "Lanny?" Pause. Sigh. And then, breathless, "Lanny." Is she the opening line of a Tennessee Williams play?

"I love dogs. Dogs and horses are by far my favorite animals." Meredith tells us, "I wanna ride a horse with Lanny." Yes, but your political party is what? ["Yeah, seriously, because the Democrats are horses and the Republicans are dogs, so...right? No?" -- Wing Chun]

And, smacky kissing, followed by a long goodbye in which Lanny returns for that one more kiss. Oh, it's all so perfect until the next caucus.

Oh, good. Aimless wandering. My very favorite portion of the evening. Meredith welcomes each other gentlemen to the house with hugs as she confessionalizes, "I definitely think my future husband is here. Who that is, I don't know." I'd make a brief list of why I find that statement disturbing, but it would probably stretch longer than this recap and include lengthy and rambling screeds against television producers, opponents of gay marriage, romantic comedies starring any member of the cast of Friends, and online dating, the last of which I'm not even opposed to. Meredith yanks Ian aside in hopes that he'll "verbalize some of his non-verbal communication." He admits that it's hard for him to open up entirely, citing the fact that "communication has been a weak spot in the past." She thinks that he's "a hard one to read," and I wonder if that's only because maybe Lanny is the one trying to sound it out. In a confessional, Lanny worries that Meredith has "pulled the brakes," and he tells her that getting to know his friends and family will be the best way for her to get to know him. Because they'll go ahead and tell her his favorite cereal, I guess?

Ryan continues to spin his Oliver-Stone-esque cracked conspiracy theories about Sabotage From The Letter People in a sewing circle with Lanny and Chad. Lanny tries to discount it, responding that he thinks Meredith will "take it into consideration," which is what they're there for, but that she is, ultimately able to make up her own, adult mind. Having some private time now, Ryan tells Meredith that there are few people he feels he has a connection with, y'know, "intuitively." Man. That's, like, five times he's said that word. My friend Tracie is on this Word of the Day email list that, well, sends her a word a day with its definition, and Tracie and I have a daily exercise where we each write a sentence about this one girl we both hate incorporating that word. Ryan's word in his inbox when he woke up this morning was most assuredly "intuitive." The sentence I would write would be something about the girl I hate not being intuitive. Ryan's would be about being intuitive and forgetting what it actually means. You can't alter the definition of a word just by saying it over and over and over again, Ryan. If you could, "money" and "fame" would be loosely defined as "things I have." But they're not. And you can't. So shut up. "There would never be a dull day with you," Meredith says, terrified.

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