Bachelorette

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With This Ring, I Thee Ed

Yay! The season finale of The Bachelorette is like Christmas, my birthday, and Father's Day all wrapped up into one! Oh, it's going to be tough to get through tonight, though. Jillian talks about her "journey" in these glowing terms, like she's been through so much on this idiotic television show. She says she's "slayed enough dragons" because sending douchebags home because you don't love them and/or they don't love you is super hard work.

She has a date with Ed, and I'm sure he loves that she has to mention again that he couldn't perform. Then again, he has to talk about it with her and us, and I'm so glad that these two think there's nothing more we want to hear about than Ed's erectile dysfunction, for god's sake. Have a little dignity, please.

So Ed goes to meet Jillian's family, cousin Tori, grandma Marjorie, father Glen and mom Peggy. She hopes they see how crazy she is about Ed. Peggy tells us that it's more difficult this time after what Jillian went through with Jason. "We're talking about a decision that could affect Jillian's life." For the rest of us non-televised people, marriage decisions are not nearly as important.

Jillian's grandmother calls Ed "terrifically good-looking," and then Ed stammers out a bunch of vague sentences about not wanting to sacrifice his career to be here, so he left, and then he couldn't stop thinking about Jillian. "It was driving me insane," he says, so he called the producers and said they had to get him back there. And since this show is nothing if not manufactured drama, the producers of course agreed. Ed's confident that Jillian's parents will be happy that he came back for Jillian.

He sits down with Peggy, who says she's not going to do with him what she did with Jason, which was ask him seventy-six questions; she's only got sixty-six questions for Ed. Hilarious. Well, I guess we know where Jillian gets her sense of humor from. First question, in barely concealed anxious-mom style, is whether Ed wants children. "I would love to have, you know, three kids at least," says Ed. She asks what the glue is between Jillian and him that will, I don't know, cement them forever. He says something about honesty and love, and working to make marriages happen, which is a whole other "dimension," like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AT THIS POINT? He's happy with how things went.

Jillian talks to her mom about how she's not worried about how Ed feels about her, and I had to look up because I was surprised to see she was talking to someone and not the camera, and how sad is it that she can't be normal with her own family anymore and has to talk in this weird over-explaining way with her own MOTHER for God's sake. She says she's not only not scared about a proposal, but she can't wait. Peggy talks about a glow about her, and says she thinks Ed's crazy about her. "I think he would make it work."

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