Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
King Jeremy the Wicked

Back at Middlesex, DeAnna strolls down the stairs for another cocktail party. Her three houseguests are soon joined by the guys from the guesthouse, so we can begin everybody's favorite reality-show tradition: getting the knives out for the front-runner who isn't doing anything the other competitors aren't doing -- he's just doing it better. Ron bitches that when the guesthouse bachelors showed up, Jeremy greeted them with "Welcome to our home!" Ron needs to take himself a little less seriously, I think. Twilley didn't like it either: "I think he needs to be brought down." I can't even stand this shit. Ron even goes so far as to ask DeAnna if she shouldn't be spreading out the roses a little more, and she says something about Jeremy opening up.

Twilley comes up to steal her for some alone time (which is only okay to do if you're not the perceived front-runner, right?). He talks a lot of nonsense that is just as inane as when he creepily waited for her to bet back at the end of her date with Graham.

Ron is harping on the guys who are staying at the house with DeAnna, because if it's about getting to know guys, then the three dudes should be sent down and three new guys go up to the house. Isn't that how it's going to work? Ron should relax, and also not be as much of an asshole. In a talking head, Jeremy's aware of the competitiveness, but feelings are going to get hurt, and that's not his problem. My god, it's awful! It's like he actually wants to win! He steals DeAnna away from Twilley, which prompts much tongue-clucking from the other guys. The other thing I don't understand, and this goes for The Bachelor, too: why does the bachelorette or the bachelor get a pass for allowing themselves to be "stolen"? Why can't DeAnna say, "Let me finish with Twilley, and then I'll come talk to you"? This show is the worst. Thank god Richard has the sense to point out that at some point they're going to have to stop being so buddy-buddy with each other. "Some people are going to do it earlier than others," he says. I don't think he convinced anyone.

Outside, Jeremy and DeAnna do their best to destroy my soul with clich├ęs and unearned sentiment. And then they make out for a little while, and then she says she has to rejoin the party.

So Jeremy walks over to the table where the other guys are still complaining about him. Jeremy wants to know what the guys think DeAnna wants from a guy, and then Robert is all, "You're getting all the one-on-one time, so you tell us!" Ron goes off on him. "You don't have to be a [bleep]," says Mr. Always-Smiling, Never-Using-Profanity Ryan, who goes off again about Jeremy not being real. DeAnna comes in while Jeremy stares down Ryan, and all the guys paste on smiles, and Ron takes the chance to get some one-on-one time. Careful! Don't want to get too competitive!

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