Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
King Jeremy the Wicked

We don't see the trap door or anything; we just see Jason and DeAnna step into another room. "Where are we?" says DeAnna in wonderment. You'd think they just stepped into Narnia or something. The two of them sit down for some amazingly awkward small talk. They talk about Seattle; DeAnna's heard it rains a lot. Hopefully Jason has some banal observations about where DeAnna's from two? Then they talk about eating, which somehow leads to DeAnna admitting that she could drink salsa from a bowl. They manage to talk about everything, in fact, except for the thing Jason says is most important to him -- his son. Meanwhile, the other bachelors discuss how confident they are that Jason's not going to try to maul her or anything.

Back at the guesthouse, the guys read another date card: "Graham, let's head to the shore to get swept away. Love, DeAnna." Graham admits in a talking head that he felt there was jealousy because he got the one-on-one date, but is thrilled. Too bad he doesn't realize that a one-on-one date is not as much of an advantage as going on a big group, according to Jason.

DeAnna asks Sean and his mullet if they want to talk, and they sneak off into a smaller room, and he talks about martial arts, and how hard it is on relationships with him trying to start a business or whatever, but he can't talk very much, because a nearby "haunted" piano keeps playing while he tries to talk. This frustrates him, because he can't get a word in edgewise, and apparently makes him sweat like Patrick Ewing. He says if it weren't for the piano, he just KNOWS he and his mullet would have gotten a rose.

Meanwhile, another magician is doing card tricks. DeAnna, who somehow made it back from the enchanted world of the inside of the magic box, picks one, which turns out to be emblazoned with a heart. Richard calls it a "snap back to reality," as a reminder of what they're all here for. But it was a picture of a rose, not boobs, so I don't know what he's on about. Then the guys do magic tricks -- card trick from Ryan, card trick from Richard, Sean and his mullet to some weird finger-snapping thing -- but in lieu of a card trick, Twilley puts on a one-man show called "Long and Boring Rendition of a Greek Myth" which features the ever popular several-dissolves-to-show-passage-of time technique, like the goddamn two-hours-AGAIN Bachelorette has any right to hold someone up to ridicule for going on too long. In a talking head, Ryan sniffs that Twilley might not be after DeAnna's heart but would rather just be a comedian.

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