Bachelorette
Emily Meets the Bachelors

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For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

Doug is hoping that the fact they're both parents provides some common ground. Because if there's anything parents love, it's being seen as a parent first, person second! He asks how her daughter is, and she's with a babysitter. He says his son wrote her a note, that he makes her read. The kid's name is Austin, and he's almost 12 years old, and if he's seen Emily he's probably a little more interested in starring in his own Time magazine cover with her than helping his dad score, but the note says his dad is awesome because he tucks him in every night. I think by that age I was resolutely against parental tucking. She says the note makes her want to cry, and tells us the fact that Doug is a single parent makes her think Doug knows what's gone through.

And now here comes Chris Harrison to crash the party with the first impression rose, prompting a lot of boring blah-blah from the men who are worried they haven't had enough one-on-one time to be kept on.

And now there is some griping among the men about Kalon's arsehole-ish helicopter entrance, and Kalon tells Emily, essentially, that he hopes his helicopter landing doesn't blind her to what an awesome dude he is. There's a tense standoff between him and Sean when Sean shows up to steal Emily away for some one-on-one time, leading to awkwardness when one of the other guys talks some shit about what an asshole Kalon is.

And here's Arie, wondering when the best time is to launch the storyline about Emily dealing with him being a racecar driver. I'm sure that, whatever happens, this show will treat Arie's profession with the decorum and sensitivity that it deserves. She seems a little surprised when he tells her what he does, and he asks her flat-out if she's OK with it. After some hesitation, she tells him she is, mainly because it's the only sport she knows anything about, and also "He'd be hot in a racecar." Glad to see she's got a handle on what's important.

Then she pulls Doug aside to tell him about the sweet letter from his son and how Doug made her feel very comfortable, and she wants to give him the first impression rose. This seems to meet with approval among the rest of the men (as long as "Helicopter Guy" doesn't get it), because we all know it's important for the rest of the contestants to like you, right? Kalon figures he'll get a rose anyway so he's not sweating it. Chris, however, seems a little put out that he wasn't chosen.

Hooray! The first Rose Ceremony! This is always my favorite part: shithead elimination. So who's getting roses? Before we find out, Emily has to blather on about feelings and expectations and being hopeful and, I don't know, probably some shit about love.

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